No Parent Left Behind

I have a dear friend who is uber active in the school that her children attend. That school is having huge troubles with the teachers union making crazy demands, all the while not doing such a hot job in the actual teaching department. And my friend is on the front lines, doing everything possible to ensure that local families at least have options to ensure their kids a good education. One of those options is the establishment of a charter school.
What follows is NOT from her school district, but makes a pretty good case for charter school in general. You couldn't make it up, it is utterly hilarious; and simultaneously sad, because--it's not made up.

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district.
Spellings have been left intact...


1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. ...Please execute him. 

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. 

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. 

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating. 

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. 

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear. 

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday. 

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral. 

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines. 

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. 

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor. 

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.