Tuesday, December 31, 2013

In which I ruminate. A bit.

As a bit of a follow-up to yesterday's "Why-I'm-Not-Posting-post," I would like to add this tidbit:

If I was observing my life and my reaction to it with some objectivity, I would have to say that although I am having moments, hours, yes, even days of overwhelming anxiety, this state is not controlling me. I am somehow able to acknowledge these feelings and still carry on. Still laugh, clean the house, entertain, play Candy Crush, bake Christmas cookies, and shop. Definitely shop. But that's another story. Still, there are things I am having trouble doing, and things I cannot do. My brain, some days, is as functional as scrambled eggs. Still, I notice a difference from the Rough Days of the past and those of the present.

I can only give credit to God's grace
, and to my family, for being understanding and supportive. It is quite touching, really. Part of it, I think is just age and experience. And an understanding that anxiety, itself, has a tendency to amplify and distort a situation that will likely change on its own, without any help from me. It is helpful to remember Ecclesiastes, that there is "nothing new under the sun."

 Adding to my distress, is the responsibility I bear for it. Which I recently took to confession, and rightly or wrongly, was basically told I did not make a good confession. That's what I get for going to a different confessor, I guess. My usual one has context. Oh well. I received grace, whether or not I made a textbook confession, my intention was good.

Lastly, in this rambling gathering of words on a page, is that Bob and I are blessed to be going to the Jesus Retreat again this year. Any inclined to do so, please keep us in your prayers, that we come away with more of Him and less of us.

God Bless you, and best wishes for a happy, healthy new year!


  1. Oh goodness, I would just crumble if a priest criticized me during confession. I'm very sensistive in the booth. My prayers for you. Anxiety is not easy to cope with. My mother has suffered for years. This blog I saw yesterday had a nice approach to those moments:

    See what I said as my approach in the comments section.

    Happy New Year.

    1. I was crushed for about 15 minutes! But then, there is that difference I spoke of in the post. I can't completely explain it, other than the grace of God, and age. I did go to the link and read your comment. Totally agree! I also have decided as a sort of new year's resolution, to read the bible more, so I am not just trying to get rid of any anxiety, but displacing it with His words, I was once a good bible reader/student. It has helped me tremendously in life.

  2. It might also help to read something of St. Therese of Lisieux. Bringing everything down to the simplest level is often the direct route to healing.

    1. Thank you, Anna. That is indeed a good remedy. :)