Lowness and Mercy

I have a few minutes before class today and no ambition to clean or practice or do any of the many things I ought. So you're stuck with me!


I am finding it heart-wrenching to bear the difficulties my children are encountering lately. I am praying, of course, and doing what little I can to help, but it is not enough to alleviate their suffering, at least in the present. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has come to my rescue when I was definitely not doing anything at all to warrant it. " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised at His assistance. But place that next to the law of sowing and reaping. Does the mindset of the sower, if ignorant, matter? Ah,well. All the same, in my lack of understanding, I pray and hope. And keep trying to help.

And there is this-

"Every Christian must be thoroughly convinced that his spiritual life can in no way be viewed as the quiet unfolding of an inconsequential life without any problems; rather it must be viewed as the scene of a constant and sometimes painful battle, which will not end until death - a struggle against evil, temptation and the sin that is in him. ... And this combat is, correctly viewed, the place of our purification, of our spiritual growth, where we learn to know ourselves in our weakness and to know God in His infinite mercy." Father Jacques Philippe

Rising Above

Helllooooo!

That's me calling out from the deep well of court reporting school. I am approaching the end of my first term which includes a research paper (haven't started yet) and a scary final. It will be all dictation that we have to write out on our steno writer--and have to get a 92% just to PASS. O-kay! I have been working hard, and will continue to do so--and time will tell if it was enough.

Tonight, Bob, Rachael, Justin and I will be providing music for a holy hour at St. Francis of Assisi in Springfield, Pa. Cause of course, I must have another project to balance on top of the swaying pile, right? Actually, this one will bless me more than anything else I do, or anything I may try to contribute. If you happen to be in the area, it starts at 8:00.

The other night, after pounding away on my machine until my eyes crossed, I crawled into bed, and since Chopped wasn't on, I put Parenthood on. It's "my show" and I watch it on On Demand every week. I won't go into the whys and wherefores of reasoning but a hint would be ( it's about a crazy family that reminds me of a certain other crazy family I may or may not be a part of) This week, there was a character who is in a situation he finds difficult and distasteful, and was counseled by his brother that he must "rise above."  His response--" I hate rising above."

That line just grabbed me--yes absolutely in the funny and identifiable way, but also it kind of resonated because--who doesn't get weary? Who doesn't want life to be easier?  One of my daughters, known for her hilarious yet relevant one liners, said, "everybody--stop freaking out!" I suggested she embroider it on a little pillow for the sofa.

I know that feeling of emotional exhaustion that goes with having a large family making our way in the world, some of us making our way out of some dark times. It requires fortitude that can't always be drummed up from our human frailty.  This is when my prayers start going like this, "Jesus, I need you. I cannot do this. You have to. Help!" Along those lines.


The crazy part? He does!


Hope you all are well, whoever is left of my dear readers. For as little blogging I do anymore I appreciate you stopping by!

The Lord's Peace~

Kelly

late night steno

Steno homework is like no other homework I have ever encountered. I have to write more than 300 sentences, with no more than 5 errors on the whole assignment. An error could be something as minute as having a finger slip off a key and ruin a punctuation mark. I am on my third go round of this homework today. The part I am working on is not even all of it.

I am putzing around here on my blog because I have developed a method for not having to start all over each time I go over five errors--I save my work frequently--which sounds logical and not like much of a problem---but the program we do our writing in is extremely quirky, and will not let me back in to write in it right away, on the same file I was working in. So I have to close it out and give it a few minutes, then go back. With thirty groups of ten sentences x saving more and more frequently as I get nearer (ever so slowly) to the end--you may see why I am growing crosseyed and battier as the night progresses.

Yes, this is what I do all the time now. Thrilling, no? Currently I am writing this sentence:

Many bugs smell bad.

Together with the slow progress and late hour, it is all a bit surreal. I am on sentence number 18 of 30.  I am on my third attempt to get the bug sentence right. the letter "B" when written at the beginning of a sentence requires the depression of two keys at once. I keep getting the pressure a little off.

Now it is four times. Sorry bugs. I can't seem to get past you smelling bad. Not all of you, but many.

Many Court Reporting students are in need of therapy.

I finally made it past the bugs. If I could only get to the lard. (Those are the last ones. I can't wait to fill that big, red mug with lard. Oh happy day, or night as it may be).

I miss being involved with all of you--pray that I might emerge from this with a marketable skill and some shred of sanity left over.

steno is my life

Yes, Folks, right now this little guy and I are best buds, joined at the hip, constant companions, you name it. I hope to blog once a week-ish, but by the time I sit down to write something, my mind is numb, eyes swimming, back is stiff, etc. A steno education is so intensive, it approaches marriage- like commitment. I certainly spend more time with it than I do Bob. (FYI-he is not jealous, because; 1. Steno writer is stubby and boxy and really not my type (get it?) and 2., Steno writer may one day become the source of a respectable income for our family. Seems like I ought to name it..

All (okay,most) kidding aside, I am doing this for our family. I hope this career will be as lucrative and flexible as it's reputation touts. Also-it's not totally torture, I do like it. It's just that the process of making new pathways in my already mid life ravaged brain is painful, in a smoke-coming-out of-the-ears kind of way. The little victories are sweet, though.



I do have an intention that I ask all who read this to pray for. It's pretty serious. Thank you!

Hope you have a nice weekend. I will be holed up with, uh, (Insert name here).

Peace, 

Kelly

+JMJ+

7 quick takes---revisiting seven moments---

Corrie and Melissa, about 1992

                


 May 13, 2006

October 10, 2009

                                                                               
          having fun at Bilbo's pizza with Meghann and Kaden, April or May, 2010

Kaden doing his thing, last year around Thanksgiving

Father's Day, 2011

Big Band concert--required Big Time concentration

              hiking in the North Carolina mountains-- a nice memory

Peace,

Kelly

Father Pavone--links that actually work!

Sorry folks for the broken link that I had up here yesterday. I liked it originally, because it contained many other links that one could click to keep up with the story as new information is released. Apparently, the blogger took it down, and I don't know if he or she will be putting it back up, so Here is a second statement from Father later yesterday, after he arrived in Amarillo--

and here,  a link to an article from Life News, pointing out that Father is still a priest in good standing.

Here is a blog that I like.For some reason, I could only link to the blog, not the specific post I wanted about Father Frank, but it should be easy to find.

the battefront of the mind

This week has been a bit rough at my house. We are not yet settled into the kids school days routines, my own online school starts Monday. My daughter Corrie had another seizure at work, and my daughter Melissa is suffering. Her fiance suddenly called it quits, with no warning and apparently, little or no remorse. She is a college student, just getting settled in herself,or trying to. She has fought and overcome so much in her life already. One of my prayers for her is that God blesses her richly someday with a husband that loves her for exactly who she is.




Also, I have had some light bulb moments get past the noise in my brain. God is so impressive. When He wants to tell me something, He makes sure I get it. So much better than Fed Ex. But they're not bad.

Last evening, I drove out to pick up Melissa at her school. Her father also went to school there, and, at the time I met him, still lived near the campus. Whenever I would drive there, I remembered the directions by saying the name of the streets, in the order I took them. Yesterday, driving that route again, I saw them go by, and said to myself the names, the way I used to---High---Price.
Lesson learned.

Also, several days ago, while commenting on a friend's blog, I was telling about the time I was hospitalized for a  four month long headache. While writing, another one of those little lights popped on. Ah, the lessons taught by my friend, Hindsight.

During that time, I was; 1.a new convert; 2.In the process of extricating myself from yet another bad relationship; 3. Meeting resistance from said relationship-ee, resulting in being harassed and stalked at every turn; and 4; scraping to make a living for the three kids under my roof at the time, two in schools that required tuition. I will spare you the gory details. Cause they are. Gory.

The headache varied in intensity, but never went away. It was affecting my ability to work. After many doctor appointments, tests, and trials of medications, I saw the main doc of the headache clinic at Jefferson Hospital, a Russian woman, (and quite fabulous). She said I was suffering from a headache "cycle." That, basically, I was having the headache because I had the headache for so long. And that what I needed was to go into the hospital for three days, where I would be administered a cocktail of IV drugs that would "break the cycle." Again, I'll spare you the ins and outs, except to say that it didn't work right away, but within a few days, I felt a lot better, and though I did and do get headaches, it has never gotten that bad again. That is the human part of the story.

Here are my impressions of the supernatural part.

I was mired in a way of thinking for most of my adult life up to that point, and it was holding me back from being able to mature in my faith. The internal script-loop went something like this:

"I am tired and sad." (this was my depression mantra, not surprising, right?)

"I am not allowed to be happy."

" I got myself into this situation (enter the bad situation of the day here), so I am stuck with it."

"I need to stay with my current choice of a man and prove to God and the world I can have a stable relationship and life." (never mind the fact that God gave me plenty of warning about how I made my choices, and let me know He was never invited to that particular party. Oh, I thought I had asked Him, but it was the kind of asking your kid does when they're already halfway out the door, coat on, friends waiting outside, "It's okay if I go out, right?" _not that my kids ever do that_)
* (I must qualify a teeny bit here and say I am not advocating everyone to abandon their marriages. All but one of the relationships I am referring to here were not the married kind. And the one that was, was 1.invalid, and 2. abusive)

There were other premises I worked around, but that gives you the idea. My point is, all that talk was occurring in my mind. In my head. My head was the battlefield .My thoughts were being held hostage, and God, seeing as how I converted and all, now had His proverbial foot in the door. So He went to work. It was kind of a labor and birth. The headache part was the pushing. (Gar, those poor newborns!) I think God was saying, "okay, I am intervening here, and taking back the territory of your mind (and heart) so you can finally move past this destructive pattern. And to top it all off, I am going to bring your future husband into the picture. Cause, girl, you can't do it yourself!" And He did. Somehow, once I addressed the headaches, the bad life-stuff started to unravel and get worked out. I still had plenty of work to do, but the results were starting to show.
*(another note. If you have not read the part of my conversion story in which I explain the power of the Eucharistic Lord,you can find it--here. Wow, I refer to that post a lot.)

Do I ever still think wrongly? Yes. But the difference is, I see it quicker that I used to, because it seems so out of place now. Do I still need lots and lots of work? Yes. Lots. But Praise God, it doesn't seem to involve headaches.But please do pray for my dear friend Joyce over at The Little Way. She suffers with monstrous ones.

Blessings and Peace

Kelly