learning some Lenten lessons

If Lent is a time to see yourself unmasked, to see a couple layers under the surface; if the disciplines are meant to serve as a stripping agent and get the schmutz off the outer man, so the inner one can be seen more clearly...well, it must be working. I have been blessed enough to get to adoration more this past week or so. I went to a local shrine this morning thankful to have access to a place with daily adoration. As most places, it has its regulars. Most of the time, a wonderful silence was observed, interrupted only by the sounds of someone mouthing their prayers. (The only drawback of silence is that every sound seems amplified). Now, I am not a fan of mouth-noises. The prayer-mouther in the silent room had the odd effect of making me feel as though I was in a fish tank. The smacking, popping and generally wet

sounds were enough to temporarily banish the ever present Mozart Requiem track playing in the background of my mind and replace it with "Under the Sea."  As you may imagine, this made for an interesting time before the Blessed Sacrament. Most of my prayers were punctuated with, "I'm sorrys" and fighting against twisting my face or sighing and then more, "sorry!" Oh what a holy time. Things did eventually quiet down somewhat. Someone else was whispering their prayers, but after the underwater sensation went away, I was able to recollect myself a bit. Only a bit, because the next problem came from my own mind---did my daughter, before leaving for school, unplug her hair appliances and/or completely turn off any burners she may have used?...As you can see, Jesus has a hard time getting a word in edgewise. He did manage to point out that all the skin crawling noises were serving to mortify (in more ways than one) my flesh and expose my innards. What I found there was 1.irritation (no surprise there); 2. fear (a trust thing) and 3. self doubt, (also a trust thing). 

 I picked up some scripture to read during the time I was unable to "hear" my inward prayers. Here is what I read:

Everyone in the crowd sought to touch him because power came forth from him and healed them all.

Luke 6:19

and from The Imitation of Christ:

"A prudent lover considers not so much the gift of the lover, but the love of the giver."

from book Three, Chapter 6.

This reinforced something I have always found, that to be in the presence of Christ, is all by itself, transformative. He is there, and His power is coming forth. To borrow a phrase from Father McG, I don't have to "think real hard" to make it be so. Of course we want to "seek to touch Him", but this is not the same as being in a perfect state of recollection. Sometimes, as much as I want to be still and silent interiorly, I just can't achieve it. But He is still there, and I am still in His presence. If I could see the entire Christ, bodily standing twelve feet in front of me, would I be changed? Ya think?

 I wrote here about how when I first began attending mass, before my conversion, I recognized Jesus' presence. Some of my kids are not Catholic, but I require they attend Sunday mass. I believe, even if they have not yet taken hold of it, that being in Jesus' presence, has the power to touch and change their hearts.

To think on how much He loves me and be simply thankful for the place and season of life He has placed me, is easy. If He never sends me another gift, I will always have Him, and my offerings of love and thanks "count," at the times I cannot offer the utmost in disciplined devotion.

~postscript: Your Mother Wears Combat Boots

Today, there is a group on facebook that suggested posting a picture of Father Corapi and saying a rosary for him. They are calling it, "Your Mother Wears Combat Boots" day. I have done this. If you have a facebook page, you may want to as well.

I have had to restrain myself from becoming entangled in the comboxes of some bloggers who feel the need to say that Father is getting what he deserves for being, among other things; a celebrity, flamboyant, bombastic, lacking humility, I could go on. I wonder of those people have the same problem with the late Fulton Sheen?

As far as I know, Father Corapi's message was spot on and sorely needed in this world. He taught the Catechism for cryin' out loud.!  Yes, he raised his voice sometimes. His message was of the utmost importance and urgency. People scream and yell over sports. How was it not appropriate to raise a voice over the slaughter of innocents and the race toward hell so many are running in?

To go over all his life and pick it apart; Santa Cruz Media, his home in Montana, his money, his traveling ministry, his not having priestly faculties in the Diocese of Helena, his criticism of the Dallas Charter, his recent change of appearance--all this amounts to is a bunch of speculation and using bits of fact to piece together the supposition of guilt. He, and many other accused priests  (because of the same Dallas Charter) are already laboring under the presupposition of guilt.

Those of us who are believing the best about him are doing so because of the great good he has done by his faithful preaching. To me individually, he has imparted strength and resolve to live my faith with integrity. I personally do not mind his style, which is simply an outworking of his message. To say this is a lack of humility is to show that one has not really listened to his words. Humility is not to lie about yourself, not to scrape, whisper and crawl. It is to tell the truth.

offering our sufferings to God

While sitting at adoration this morning, besides all the other things that go rocketing around in my mind, I was contemplating the practice of offering our sufferings, mixed with thoughts of those who suffer from depression that often arrive with the winter weather and the Christmas season.

I am no expert when it comes to explaining the theology of offering our sufferings. One good way I think about it is from St.Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower;

"I prefer the monotony of obscure sacrifice to all ecstasies. To pick up a pin for love can convert a soul." These are the words of Theresa of the Child Jesus, a Carmelite nun called the "Little Flower," who lived a cloistered life of obscurity in the convent of Lisieux, France. [In French-speaking areas, she is known as Thérèse of Lisieux.] And her preference for hidden sacrifice did indeed convert souls. Few saints of God are more popular than this young nun. Her autobiography, The Story of a Soul, is read and loved throughout the world. Thérèse Martin entered the convent at the age of 15 and died in 1897 at the age of 24.

When I am suffering, even in the smallest way, such as a pang of concern for one of my children (this happens roughly every seventeen minutes throughout the day), when I remember, I offer it to the Lord, Even if I have been part of the problem. Or if I encounter people that make me feel angry or agitated, or if I have to do something I don't like or feel like doing. All my sins and failings are somehow spiritual currency to the Lord. They can be offered for someone or some prayer request, or just for reparation for sin. what God does with all this, I don't know!  Of course, "big" sufferings, like sickness, pain and any event or trauma can and should be offered,too, but I am mainly thinking about the routine things. 

Depression is such a sneaky entity. It will circle around for a while, looking for a place to take root. If I have a certain worry, or a pet peeve that I allow to fester a little too much, I will start to notice myself feeling tired a lot, losing motivation for things I normally like to do, or even getting sick more frequently. I will have bouts of anxiety or angry outbursts. Essentially, what is happening is that I am not trusting God that where my life is, is entirely in His hands. If I am able to offer the stresses, the worries, the pain and fears to Him as they happen, not only does He make good use of them, but I am relieved of the burden and am reminded that He sees me and knows what is going on. Which is a huge comfort!

I know that Saints like the Little Flower, lived in such a way that she could ask to suffer and not want any consolations. (comforts from God). I am not there! I just ask for the ability to handle any suffering I must go through gracefully and to remember to lean on Him. I have often remarked to my husband that raising children is God's way of giving us built in penance. They help us shave off a little Purgatory. Of course they bring tons of joy, too, but the process of growing up is just naturally stressful. Especially at the latter teen years. It reminds me of the culmination of a long labor; how right before the birth there is the most pain, but the shortest, too.

I also want to encourage anyone who may be suffering with depression, to try and do these few things. They really do help. They should be done regularly. Commit to some schedule and stick to it.

1. Get up every day and go out of the house. Even if it is just for a short walk. The fresh air, the exercise, and the changing of your surroundings do wonders. Look around and absorb the world. Thank God for the beauty of the sky, for the fact that you are healthy enough to walk around, anything that comes to mind.

The key to helping yourself is getting out of your head, and focusing outward. If you can go to daily mass, that is the perfect thing to schedule each day. Adoration is even better. Pray, give your concerns to Him, and then, at least for that day, let it go. The late Elizabeth Elliot once said, to actually lift your hands to Him, full of your burdens, and imagine Him taking them. Even if you only envision it in your mind, it can be helpful.

2. Do something for someone else. Many times, we who suffer from depression, look for help from others quite a lot. It is the nature of the beast. But it is so good to remember that there are those less fortunate than ourselves and that to meet someone else's need helps free us from our own little box. The more we look outward and especially upward, the less we obsess about ourselves.

I am happy to say that my struggle with depression is almost completely in the past. But I do have to say almost, because depression can be a learned reaction to life's slings and arrows, so I still have to be vigilant. Plus, if you are one of those, as I am , who are on the sensitive side, you know it is both a blessing and a curse. But God has brought me this far, and I know He will not abandon me, nor will He, you.

Now here is one of today's small blessings. 

 

 

He or she has taken up residence among the bikes on our porch and the scrap lumber on the neighbor's porch. It is a bit of shelter, that I HAD planned to remove to the basement soon. Now of course I will feel badly. But I think the neighbor is putting out the lumber little by little each week in the trash. So I guess they will be moving on. As adorable as they are, I will not miss the mess they are leaving all over my porch.

Saint Lucy, pray for us!