Friday, April 13, 2012

7 Quick Takes, the guilt edition

1. Happy Easter to all! Looking forward to Divine Mercy Sunday. This family needs all the mercy it can get right now! We have several serious issues all going at once--prayer needed! Two of our daughters are having crises that seriously jeopardize their college standings, my Mother-in-law broke her hip and is in a rehab,  and my brother is very ill--and Lord help us--pray for Bob and I just to make it through it all.

2. I haven't been able to post much because of those things, and school! Who can forget that? I am just about to finish my third term, finals are less than two weeks away. Grades are good, but the work continues to get tougher and tougher. I always feel as though I am hanging on by a thread. I am beginning to think God wanted this to keep my head into something other than my children's dilemmas! Mostly it does work like that, but then there are times like right now, when it is really a challenge to think about steno and grammar at all. Really, thinking about grammar is never on my short list anyway, but now! whoa. But even that can be so much tidier than reality. Mine is not tidy at all.

Here is a sample from steno theory-


It says, "Do you have the manual for this perpetual motion machine?"

3. Speaking of reality and perpetual motion machines, (which for me are synonymous), back to the theme of this blog. Does all this reflect directly upon me? Is it all the reaping of consequences for sin? Does it all indicate that I have failed in some way, especially in regards to my children?

There was a time I would have accepted that without question. It was taught and taught well in some of the churches I attended. That I am even questioning about it is a big step. Now, as my readers know,  I acknowledge my failures as a Christian and a mother in years past.  But at what point do the actions of my offspring become their own? I know I still struggle with certain issues whose seed was from a bad relationship, whose seed was rooted in my upbringing. But is everything that branches out from there the fault of my parents?  I know from my experience that I made my own choices, some ill informed,  others not so much. Several of my own   are becoming young adults, and I'm afraid that beyond my love and prayers, they will have to begin carrying life's responsibilities themselves. You may be reading that thinking, "ya think? duh..." but for someone like me, it's a lot tougher. It is going to involve watching them suffer, and not jump in to take that away.

4. The other part of that equation is, having a life outside of those realities that reflects the fruits of the Spirit and contains a modicam of peace.  Not feeling as though my family is somehow more messed up than the average family and it is all my fault. Not allowing my husband and I to sleep well at night if all the plates aren't spinning perfectly. I have to remember how it was growing up and figuring out my own way, yes, even with Christ. Even Christians, even Catholics have messy, pain filled, care-laden lives. It doesn't mean we have "missed" God's will for us if everything doesn't flow along seamlessly while whistling a happy tune and having tea and crumpets. In fact, and I say this in the most grudging manner, because I am not a happy sufferer, all the suffering makes us...(shhh)... better. We know that, but more in a Lives of the Saints way.

5. But! I think I am learning that even in the midst of suffering there can be peace. (I know!--another obvious-ism)

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Okay! I get it! However! Living it is another ball of wax entirely.

Just in case, you were wondering about that, as I was.

6.  So I am continuing to live and work. Do things like go get a haircut and planning a visit to my eldest and fam in Michigan. Which, as you know, includes my grandson. 

7. So, even though my seven quick takes were really one long take about the same thing, and they weren't all that quick, at least I get points for trying to stick to the format, right?

God Bless you, I hope we all have a peaceful weekend, with or without wrestling any alligators that happen across our paths.



ball and chain photo source: