7 Quick Takes, the guilt edition

1. Happy Easter to all! Looking forward to Divine Mercy Sunday. This family needs all the mercy it can get right now! We have several serious issues all going at once--prayer needed! Two of our daughters are having crises that seriously jeopardize their college standings, my Mother-in-law broke her hip and is in a rehab,  and my brother is very ill--and Lord help us--pray for Bob and I just to make it through it all.

2. I haven't been able to post much because of those things, and school! Who can forget that? I am just about to finish my third term, finals are less than two weeks away. Grades are good, but the work continues to get tougher and tougher. I always feel as though I am hanging on by a thread. I am beginning to think God wanted this to keep my head into something other than my children's dilemmas! Mostly it does work like that, but then there are times like right now, when it is really a challenge to think about steno and grammar at all. Really, thinking about grammar is never on my short list anyway, but now! whoa. But even that can be so much tidier than reality. Mine is not tidy at all.

Here is a sample from steno theory-

TKO/KWROU/SR-T/PHAPB/KWRAOUL/TP-R/TH-/PER/PET/KWRAOUL/PHOEGS/PHA/SHAOEPB/STPH

It says, "Do you have the manual for this perpetual motion machine?"


3. Speaking of reality and perpetual motion machines, (which for me are synonymous), back to the theme of this blog. Does all this reflect directly upon me? Is it all the reaping of consequences for sin? Does it all indicate that I have failed in some way, especially in regards to my children?

There was a time I would have accepted that without question. It was taught and taught well in some of the churches I attended. That I am even questioning about it is a big step. Now, as my readers know,  I acknowledge my failures as a Christian and a mother in years past.  But at what point do the actions of my offspring become their own? I know I still struggle with certain issues whose seed was from a bad relationship, whose seed was rooted in my upbringing. But is everything that branches out from there the fault of my parents?  I know from my experience that I made my own choices, some ill informed,  others not so much. Several of my own   are becoming young adults, and I'm afraid that beyond my love and prayers, they will have to begin carrying life's responsibilities themselves. You may be reading that thinking, "ya think? duh..." but for someone like me, it's a lot tougher. It is going to involve watching them suffer, and not jump in to take that away.

4. The other part of that equation is, having a life outside of those realities that reflects the fruits of the Spirit and contains a modicam of peace.  Not feeling as though my family is somehow more messed up than the average family and it is all my fault. Not allowing my husband and I to sleep well at night if all the plates aren't spinning perfectly. I have to remember how it was growing up and figuring out my own way, yes, even with Christ. Even Christians, even Catholics have messy, pain filled, care-laden lives. It doesn't mean we have "missed" God's will for us if everything doesn't flow along seamlessly while whistling a happy tune and having tea and crumpets. In fact, and I say this in the most grudging manner, because I am not a happy sufferer, all the suffering makes us...(shhh)... better. We know that, but more in a Lives of the Saints way.

5. But! I think I am learning that even in the midst of suffering there can be peace. (I know!--another obvious-ism)

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.




Okay! I get it! However! Living it is another ball of wax entirely.

Just in case, you were wondering about that, as I was.

http://www.cosmetology-video-store.com/the-whole-ball-wax.aspx

6.  So I am continuing to live and work. Do things like go get a haircut and planning a visit to my eldest and fam in Michigan. Which, as you know, includes my grandson. 

7. So, even though my seven quick takes were really one long take about the same thing, and they weren't all that quick, at least I get points for trying to stick to the format, right?

God Bless you, I hope we all have a peaceful weekend, with or without wrestling any alligators that happen across our paths.

Peace, 

Kelly

ball and chain photo source:http://www.redferret.net/?p=1649

offering our sufferings to God

While sitting at adoration this morning, besides all the other things that go rocketing around in my mind, I was contemplating the practice of offering our sufferings, mixed with thoughts of those who suffer from depression that often arrive with the winter weather and the Christmas season.

I am no expert when it comes to explaining the theology of offering our sufferings. One good way I think about it is from St.Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower;

"I prefer the monotony of obscure sacrifice to all ecstasies. To pick up a pin for love can convert a soul." These are the words of Theresa of the Child Jesus, a Carmelite nun called the "Little Flower," who lived a cloistered life of obscurity in the convent of Lisieux, France. [In French-speaking areas, she is known as Thérèse of Lisieux.] And her preference for hidden sacrifice did indeed convert souls. Few saints of God are more popular than this young nun. Her autobiography, The Story of a Soul, is read and loved throughout the world. Thérèse Martin entered the convent at the age of 15 and died in 1897 at the age of 24.

When I am suffering, even in the smallest way, such as a pang of concern for one of my children (this happens roughly every seventeen minutes throughout the day), when I remember, I offer it to the Lord, Even if I have been part of the problem. Or if I encounter people that make me feel angry or agitated, or if I have to do something I don't like or feel like doing. All my sins and failings are somehow spiritual currency to the Lord. They can be offered for someone or some prayer request, or just for reparation for sin. what God does with all this, I don't know!  Of course, "big" sufferings, like sickness, pain and any event or trauma can and should be offered,too, but I am mainly thinking about the routine things. 

Depression is such a sneaky entity. It will circle around for a while, looking for a place to take root. If I have a certain worry, or a pet peeve that I allow to fester a little too much, I will start to notice myself feeling tired a lot, losing motivation for things I normally like to do, or even getting sick more frequently. I will have bouts of anxiety or angry outbursts. Essentially, what is happening is that I am not trusting God that where my life is, is entirely in His hands. If I am able to offer the stresses, the worries, the pain and fears to Him as they happen, not only does He make good use of them, but I am relieved of the burden and am reminded that He sees me and knows what is going on. Which is a huge comfort!

I know that Saints like the Little Flower, lived in such a way that she could ask to suffer and not want any consolations. (comforts from God). I am not there! I just ask for the ability to handle any suffering I must go through gracefully and to remember to lean on Him. I have often remarked to my husband that raising children is God's way of giving us built in penance. They help us shave off a little Purgatory. Of course they bring tons of joy, too, but the process of growing up is just naturally stressful. Especially at the latter teen years. It reminds me of the culmination of a long labor; how right before the birth there is the most pain, but the shortest, too.

I also want to encourage anyone who may be suffering with depression, to try and do these few things. They really do help. They should be done regularly. Commit to some schedule and stick to it.

1. Get up every day and go out of the house. Even if it is just for a short walk. The fresh air, the exercise, and the changing of your surroundings do wonders. Look around and absorb the world. Thank God for the beauty of the sky, for the fact that you are healthy enough to walk around, anything that comes to mind.

The key to helping yourself is getting out of your head, and focusing outward. If you can go to daily mass, that is the perfect thing to schedule each day. Adoration is even better. Pray, give your concerns to Him, and then, at least for that day, let it go. The late Elizabeth Elliot once said, to actually lift your hands to Him, full of your burdens, and imagine Him taking them. Even if you only envision it in your mind, it can be helpful.

2. Do something for someone else. Many times, we who suffer from depression, look for help from others quite a lot. It is the nature of the beast. But it is so good to remember that there are those less fortunate than ourselves and that to meet someone else's need helps free us from our own little box. The more we look outward and especially upward, the less we obsess about ourselves.

I am happy to say that my struggle with depression is almost completely in the past. But I do have to say almost, because depression can be a learned reaction to life's slings and arrows, so I still have to be vigilant. Plus, if you are one of those, as I am , who are on the sensitive side, you know it is both a blessing and a curse. But God has brought me this far, and I know He will not abandon me, nor will He, you.

Now here is one of today's small blessings. 

 

 

He or she has taken up residence among the bikes on our porch and the scrap lumber on the neighbor's porch. It is a bit of shelter, that I HAD planned to remove to the basement soon. Now of course I will feel badly. But I think the neighbor is putting out the lumber little by little each week in the trash. So I guess they will be moving on. As adorable as they are, I will not miss the mess they are leaving all over my porch.

Saint Lucy, pray for us!