the best laid plans, with a few updates

A few thoughts before Lent gets going.

Today I am enjoying a snow day and having a few treats. I certainly am enjoying a slower pace and only have to go out into the Philadelphia tundra once.

Typically, I want to do too many ambitious Lenten practices and sacrifices and burn out two days after Ash Wednesday. This year, I actually gave it some prayerful thought and came up with something a little different.

The overriding theme I want to pursue is to get clear, once and for all about guilt vs. conscience. I am growing weary of  not being clear on my examination of conscience, so that by the time I reach the confessional, I have very little as far as well defined sins and lots of generalizations. I am very aware of my thought patterns, but not so confident about how they have translated into actions, and less sure still about what was definitely a sin. I can define what constitutes a sin, venial or mortal, clearly, but when it comes to my own inner life, things become muddy.

So, I am setting about doing some reading, praying and doing better, more conscious, examinations. Already I have come to a few preliminary conclusions.

1. God's voice does not cause confusion.
2. Generalized feelings of guilt are not inherently virtuous, helpful, or from God.


Certainly, I want to increase daily mass, adoration, Stations of the Cross, the Rosary and frequent confession.

Definitely going to unplug. This blog and doing some reading on my Kindle will be the exceptions. Looking forward to that. A little TV, not none, especially a certain PBS drama on Sunday nights. Ahem.

Anyways, that's it. I am already watching my dietary intake. Besides, I agree with the adage ," Lent is not a diet." I do try not to overdo anything during Lent, food-wise. But I don't plan to go into full monastery mode.

I DO hope to go to the silent retreat at the Carmelite Monastery though. So, Monastery mode for that one day.

I especially want to try to do one act of love for someone every single day. It could be something I do that I normally avoid because I don't like it. or something that comes across my path to do for someone that makes me go out of my comfort zone (read-anything that makes me talk to someone I don't know--eek). Whatever. And to do it as secretly as possible. To try to be generous with my precious alone time or with my (our) resources. Try is the operative word. This could prove to be more challenging than giving up all the chocolate in the world for the rest of my life. Because, if you know me, you know I love to sit and read. Love. it. I can get through many things in the course of a day if I know my book is waiting.

                          Heaven.

                                                                              

So, there is the plan. I will try and blog as Lent trundles along.




I recently read this, from Saint Scholastica. The brother she refers to is none other than Saint Benedict.


My venerable brother says that Lenten joy is the most important thing of all. Some would make of Lent a time of gloom and lamentation. Not my brother! When I asked him on my last visit to Monte Cassino how my nuns were to keep Lent, he smiled broadly and said, “Let each one spontaneously in the joy of the Holy Spirit make some offering to God concerning the allowance granted her” (RB 49:6). My brother is known for his gravitas, but to me he reveals a heart brimming over with joy in the Holy Spirit. It is true that he has no time for silliness, or giddy laughter, or talkativeness — he has always loved silence more than talking, even from the time we were children — but that silence is the seal of his joy. He pours out his joy like a fine wine, with discretion; but his joy itself is boundless.

A perspective we don't often consider. I often wonder at the passage, "the joy of the Lord is my strength." Nehemiah 8:10  God undoubtedly sees all that goes on the the world, and much of it is not joy-inducing. But, one must conclude that His joy is a constant, and not a reaction to the world. In fact, His perspective sees everything beyond time. He freely shares His joy, and though we cannot escape the bounds of earthly time, we can escape the bounds of earthly sorrows and worry.  


Update:

I'd forgotten to include this article from Catholic Vote which I think sums up the spirit of the whole deal nicely: http://www.catholicvote.org/40-ways-to-win-lent/

Update 2:

Last year I wrote this post about the very thing I wrote about here. Sometimes I frighten myself.

Happy and Joyful Lent everybody!

Peace, 

Kelly

7 Quick Takes, the guilt edition

1. Happy Easter to all! Looking forward to Divine Mercy Sunday. This family needs all the mercy it can get right now! We have several serious issues all going at once--prayer needed! Two of our daughters are having crises that seriously jeopardize their college standings, my Mother-in-law broke her hip and is in a rehab,  and my brother is very ill--and Lord help us--pray for Bob and I just to make it through it all.

2. I haven't been able to post much because of those things, and school! Who can forget that? I am just about to finish my third term, finals are less than two weeks away. Grades are good, but the work continues to get tougher and tougher. I always feel as though I am hanging on by a thread. I am beginning to think God wanted this to keep my head into something other than my children's dilemmas! Mostly it does work like that, but then there are times like right now, when it is really a challenge to think about steno and grammar at all. Really, thinking about grammar is never on my short list anyway, but now! whoa. But even that can be so much tidier than reality. Mine is not tidy at all.

Here is a sample from steno theory-

TKO/KWROU/SR-T/PHAPB/KWRAOUL/TP-R/TH-/PER/PET/KWRAOUL/PHOEGS/PHA/SHAOEPB/STPH

It says, "Do you have the manual for this perpetual motion machine?"


3. Speaking of reality and perpetual motion machines, (which for me are synonymous), back to the theme of this blog. Does all this reflect directly upon me? Is it all the reaping of consequences for sin? Does it all indicate that I have failed in some way, especially in regards to my children?

There was a time I would have accepted that without question. It was taught and taught well in some of the churches I attended. That I am even questioning about it is a big step. Now, as my readers know,  I acknowledge my failures as a Christian and a mother in years past.  But at what point do the actions of my offspring become their own? I know I still struggle with certain issues whose seed was from a bad relationship, whose seed was rooted in my upbringing. But is everything that branches out from there the fault of my parents?  I know from my experience that I made my own choices, some ill informed,  others not so much. Several of my own   are becoming young adults, and I'm afraid that beyond my love and prayers, they will have to begin carrying life's responsibilities themselves. You may be reading that thinking, "ya think? duh..." but for someone like me, it's a lot tougher. It is going to involve watching them suffer, and not jump in to take that away.

4. The other part of that equation is, having a life outside of those realities that reflects the fruits of the Spirit and contains a modicam of peace.  Not feeling as though my family is somehow more messed up than the average family and it is all my fault. Not allowing my husband and I to sleep well at night if all the plates aren't spinning perfectly. I have to remember how it was growing up and figuring out my own way, yes, even with Christ. Even Christians, even Catholics have messy, pain filled, care-laden lives. It doesn't mean we have "missed" God's will for us if everything doesn't flow along seamlessly while whistling a happy tune and having tea and crumpets. In fact, and I say this in the most grudging manner, because I am not a happy sufferer, all the suffering makes us...(shhh)... better. We know that, but more in a Lives of the Saints way.

5. But! I think I am learning that even in the midst of suffering there can be peace. (I know!--another obvious-ism)

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.




Okay! I get it! However! Living it is another ball of wax entirely.

Just in case, you were wondering about that, as I was.

http://www.cosmetology-video-store.com/the-whole-ball-wax.aspx

6.  So I am continuing to live and work. Do things like go get a haircut and planning a visit to my eldest and fam in Michigan. Which, as you know, includes my grandson. 

7. So, even though my seven quick takes were really one long take about the same thing, and they weren't all that quick, at least I get points for trying to stick to the format, right?

God Bless you, I hope we all have a peaceful weekend, with or without wrestling any alligators that happen across our paths.

Peace, 

Kelly

ball and chain photo source:http://www.redferret.net/?p=1649