1. I had an abortion, and well before, mind you, I came to an understanding of just how sinful this was, He continued to bless me with healthy beautiful pregnancies and children. Eight more times! (I had one miscarriage).
2. I went through some really gnarly times during the first twenty-ish years of raising them. Not all of it was due to my personal sin, but some definitely was, especially towards the end of that period. In making my way out of those rough years, I responded with some old patterns, from kind of a broken soul. He has given me lots and lots of grace, and many opportunities to be there to support the kids through their own healing, which in turn, you guessed it, furthers my own. Having been there, I get it when people take time to work their way out of deep holes. God has afforded me with enough time and resources ( not tons, I said enough) to be generous and give to the kids and sometimes their boyfriends, from what we have. A lot of the time, what we have is simply just to care, to feed them some dinner, or open our home as a place to hang out. I noted the other day, when I was feeling kind of overdone, that giving myself away always furthers my healing and the healing of my family. It is never wasted. Even if what I offer is flawed, God puts in in the bank. And as a result,things are better. Not all better, but better. I trust that He is not finished with us yet. When we still have troubles, I now know that He is at work. I feel the pain, but I have hope. I see that the Lord has offered us His hand to cling to, and His grace to sustain us.
He always knows what we need. He rarely gives us what we deserve. Sometimes, He blesses us and trusts us with the very things in which we have failed.
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.