If Lent is a time to see yourself unmasked, to see a couple layers under the surface; if the disciplines are meant to serve as a stripping agent and get the schmutz off the outer man, so the inner one can be seen more clearly...well, it must be working. I have been blessed enough to get to adoration more this past week or so. I went to a local shrine this morning thankful to have access to a place with daily adoration. As most places, it has its regulars. Most of the time, a wonderful silence was observed, interrupted only by the sounds of someone mouthing their prayers. (The only drawback of silence is that every sound seems amplified). Now, I am not a fan of mouth-noises. The prayer-mouther in the silent room had the odd effect of making me feel as though I was in a fish tank. The smacking, popping and generally
wet
sounds were enough to temporarily banish the ever present Mozart Requiem track playing in the background of my mind and replace it with "Under the Sea." As you may imagine, this made for an interesting time before the Blessed Sacrament. Most of my prayers were punctuated with, "I'm sorrys" and fighting against twisting my face or sighing and then more, "sorry!" Oh what a holy time. Things did eventually quiet down somewhat. Someone else was whispering their prayers, but after the underwater sensation went away, I was able to recollect myself a bit. Only a bit, because the next problem came from my own mind---did my daughter, before leaving for school, unplug her hair appliances and/or completely turn off any burners she may have used?...As you can see, Jesus has a hard time getting a word in edgewise. He did manage to point out that all the skin crawling noises were serving to mortify (in more ways than one) my flesh and expose my innards. What I found there was 1.irritation (no surprise there); 2. fear (a trust thing) and 3. self doubt, (also a trust thing).
I picked up some scripture to read during the time I was unable to "hear" my inward prayers. Here is what I read:
Everyone in the crowd sought to touch him because power came forth from him and healed them all.
Luke 6:19
and from The Imitation of Christ:
"A prudent lover considers not so much the gift of the lover, but the love of the giver."
from book Three, Chapter 6.
This reinforced something I have always found, that to be in the presence of Christ, is all by itself, transformative. He is there, and His power is coming forth. To borrow a phrase from Father McG, I don't have to "think real hard" to make it be so. Of course we want to "seek to touch Him", but this is not the same as being in a perfect state of recollection. Sometimes, as much as I want to be still and silent interiorly, I just can't achieve it. But He is still there, and I am still in His presence. If I could see the entire Christ, bodily standing twelve feet in front of me, would I be changed? Ya think?
I wrote
here about how when I first began attending mass, before my conversion, I recognized Jesus' presence. Some of my kids are not Catholic, but I require they attend Sunday mass. I believe, even if they have not yet taken hold of it, that being in Jesus' presence, has the power to touch and change their hearts.
To think on how much He loves me and be simply thankful for the place and season of life He has placed me, is easy. If He never sends me another gift, I will always have Him, and my offerings of love and thanks "count," at the times I cannot offer the utmost in disciplined devotion.
~postscript: Your Mother Wears Combat Boots
Today, there is a group on facebook that suggested posting a picture of Father Corapi and saying a rosary for him. They are calling it, "Your Mother Wears Combat Boots" day. I have done this. If you have a facebook page, you may want to as well.
I have had to restrain myself from becoming entangled in the comboxes of some bloggers who feel the need to say that Father is getting what he deserves for being, among other things; a celebrity, flamboyant, bombastic, lacking humility, I could go on. I wonder of those people have the same problem with the late Fulton Sheen?
As far as I know, Father Corapi's message was spot on and sorely needed in this world. He taught the Catechism for cryin' out loud.! Yes, he raised his voice sometimes. His message was of the utmost importance and urgency. People scream and yell over sports. How was it not appropriate to raise a voice over the slaughter of innocents and the race toward hell so many are running in?
To go over all his life and pick it apart; Santa Cruz Media, his home in Montana, his money, his traveling ministry, his not having priestly faculties in the Diocese of Helena, his criticism of the Dallas Charter, his recent change of appearance--all this amounts to is a bunch of speculation and using bits of fact to piece together the supposition of guilt. He, and many other accused priests (because of the same Dallas Charter) are already laboring under the presupposition of guilt.
Those of us who are believing the best about him are doing so because of the great good he has done by his faithful preaching. To me individually, he has imparted strength and resolve to live my faith with integrity. I personally do not mind his style, which is simply an outworking of his message. To say this is a lack of humility is to show that one has not really listened to his words. Humility is not to lie about yourself, not to scrape, whisper and crawl. It is to tell the truth.
