beginning, and beginning again

“He who climbs never stops going from beginning to beginning, through beginnings that have no end. He never stops desiring what he already knows.” -St. Gregory of Nissa

“This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections.” -St. Augustine

“To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often.” -Bl. John Henry Cardinal Newman

Well well, it seems I will come out of blog-retirement and throw some words at whomever would like to read them.  It has been roughly a year, and I could go all What I Did on my Summer Vacation on you, but don't worry. I don't have the strength.

What has motivated me is simply that I would like to share some of my spiritual journey. It has been quite a year in many respects, and have thought recently that some of my experiences might resonate with -someone- and so if even one person is encouraged, I will be completely happy with that.

I am not even going to attempt to go chronologically. I would drive myself and any reader crazy, and besides, since God exists outside of time, it's all good.

But really, first things first. In the post immediately preceding this one, you will see a precious newborn. Who happens to be my granddaughter. So, following Rule Number One in the Grandparent handbook, I must, under threat of losing my membership, show you updated pictures.

Okay! A year in the life of a baby. Every day another milestone! I could go on.


But I mentioned some spiritual growth or some junk, so I will tell you about that.


I want to start with a period of fasting and prayer that I joined in with back in February. It is called Nineveh 90, which is a 90 day program of prayer and fasting. It is similar to a Lenten period, with prescribed prayers and disciplines. The round I joined in actually encompassed Lent and so was interesting to have Lent within a Lent.  The 90 days wrapped up on May 13, the 100th anniversary of the apparitions of Our Lady of Fatima. There were small groups that one could join online, which I did, and we met each week to check in and see how everyone was doing, what was a struggle, and shared prayer intentions. I got to know some lovely people, and we hope to keep up with each other online. If you follow the link you can read for quite a while on the Nineveh 90 website, there are many articles and prayers.

Those are the nuts and bolts, but it's what comes about on a personal level that is the real point. These sort of groups have many scores of people praying, which is in itself a wonderful thing. But the idea that I am but a cog in a larger movement of prayer, saying prayers here in my South Philadelphia row home; effecting change in the world for the salvation of souls for eternity--that alone gives me a sense of humble awe--and hope for all the many issues of our day and for poor souls. It appeals to my sense of wanting to DO SOMETHING for all the needs in my world and the larger world, that I otherwise would be powerless to address.( I was born on the feast of St. Martha, so--).

This period also helped me in my ability to grow in self-discipline. Out of the prayers, dietary guidelines, fasting days, exercise, limit of internet and TV for entertainment, and regular adoration and confession, I would say that incorporating prayer into my day was the best benefit. I pray at regular times throughout the day, short prayers, and say the Rosary daily, along with some other prayers I say at night. I try to examine my conscience every night, though I have fallen off of that a bit. It does make for a much better confession. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, the prayers did not_feel_very spiritual, as I had to read them until I got them memorized, but as I persevered, I began to see that simply the offering of my time and devotion was producing something in my life. Even if I didn't immediately have pious emotions, my prayers were doing the work in which they were intended. Which, honestly, is not ever to make me feel holy, but to go towards the greater will of God, which I only know but a crumb. My life, my world, my reality, while real, is not the ultimate reality that God sees. but he allows us to participate in his plan anyway. And he makes each person important to the whole, and somehow, every small act contributes, whether for good or for ill. That  is something I want to share with you in a future post.

I also want to tell more about my journey to come to know Mary better. As a convert, I did not always think of her first when I would go looking for an intercessor. Now, I try to give everything to her first. That will be a post unto itself.

Until then, I leave you ,Clementine:

De Sales strikes again!

Happy St. Joseph's Day! I especially think of my friend Joyce today, and her special love and devotion to Glorious St. Joseph.

I want to share with you another bit of Roses Among Thorns. 

This is from the Chapter called, Saint Peter in Chains.

Do we love our sweet Savior? Oh, he knows full well that if we do not love him, we at least desire to love him. Now, if we love him, let us feed his sheep and his lambs, for that is the mark of faithful love. With what shall we feed these dear little sheep? With love itself, for they either do not love at all, or they live upon love. Between love and death there is no middle. We must die or love, for he who loves not, as St. John says, remains in death.

Or Lord said to St. Peter, "When you were young, you fastened your own belt and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will fasten your belt for you to carry you where you do not wish to go"(cf. John 21:18). Young apprentices in the love of God fasten their own belts. They take up the mortifications that seem good to them; they choose their penances and make up their own minds about God's will. But the old masters of the craft allow themselves to be bound by others and submit to the yoke imposed upon them, and travel down paths upon which they do not wish to travel. In spite of the resistance of their inclinations, they voluntarily allow themselves to be governed against their will and say that they would rather obey than make an offering, and this is how they glorify God, by crucifying not only their flesh, but also their spirit.

All I can say is. wow. With typical clarity and yet profundity, St. Francis de Sales strikes again. 

For me, this has been a very Lenten Lent. God knows how hard it is for me to put aside my own plans and preferences, so He has arranged that I am  mostly doing things that I am called upon to do, with a little of what I wanted to do for Lent and a small bit of  just what I want to do period, thrown in. I have also been dealing with some aches and pains, illness, emotional ups and downs and just a whole bunch of challenges from within and without. But this passage encourages me in that typically Saleseian way. 

His loudest message, to me, is always, not to fret about the limitations of my life or my humanity, but to graciously accept everything and also offer everything. Though I am worlds away from the "old masters" referred to above, I take heart that the small ways I am able to serve God through my daily life's path of running about doing small services, are taken into account.   

Lastly, friends, know that I am praying for you and offering my small struggles. Please pray for me also, especially my family and friends who are going through trials galore.

I am still being blessed with moments of joy this Lent, despite everything else! Not doing super great with some of my self imposed disciplines, but trying to hold that all loosely and let God lead.

A Post A Day #2 -- one week until Lent, how do you get ready?

If you are anything like me, you have approximately sixty seven things you want to do or not do, not eat, read, pray, attend, or avoid. The house suddenly looks too dirty and cluttered to be a haven for we Lenten Pilgrims to trudge through make a peaceful journey towards Easter.

Incidentally, most of the books I wanted to read from last year are still in a pile near my bed.









My husband bought all the Tastykakes and cookies, ice cream, whipped cream, we could possibly hold.  I added some mint Oreos, Mom added biscotti and Torrone. And I plan to hit up Federal Donuts, and bake some red velvet cupcakes. All this before next Wednesday. As you may note, we get nervous about saying goodbye to our sweets. And I am voraciously reading all the novels I can find.

We do have a March birthday that almost coincides with St. Patrick's Day, and there is St. Joseph's Day. And Sundays. On those special days we can eat some desserts, or have a bigger meal, so it isn't as dire as it might be, looking through the lens of Ash Wednesday.


Typically our usual thing for Lent is:

1. No sweets
2. No between meal snacks
3. Of course meatless Fridays, and we try to go meatless at least one other night for dinner
4. Frugal meals, with the idea that we donate what we save, but I'm not sure if that actually happens.
5.We do put money in the Rice Bowl. We have sometimes needed to fish some back out.
6. Bob and I try to get to some daily masses. He goes on his lunch hour and I try to go in the mornings.


I like to unplug to some degree, I go off of Facebook and don't watch much TV. (oddly, every year during Lent the Food Network runs good shows which I will watch on Sunday nights).  I wouldn't insist other people stop watching TV, so sometimes I end up watching things others have on. But I can read with the TV on and it doesn't bother me. As I mentioned, I have a lot of material I like to or want to read during Lent.
Here are some:
Introduction to the Devout Life, DeSales
33 days to Morning Glory (A Marian Consecration) Fr. Michael E. Gaitley
He Leadeth Me, Fr. Walter Ciszek
Imitation of Christ and assorted other daily readings
Bible


My goal this year is to make gains in the area of personal discipline, especially spiritually, but also physically and practically, such as in scheduling, shopping, planning. I am praying for grace to overcome some of the emotional and mental clutter that holds me back in life. I love that grace seems especially available during Lent.

I really, really want to pray the Rosary every single day, and make that stick for always.

I want to make a difference in the course of my journey with Christ, and gain a more heavenly perspective on my time here.


 I know I go into Lent with a barrage of  ideas, and have accepted that I might not carry it all out perfectly. In fact I know I won't. But it's okay as long as I make some kind of progress.



I am interested to know what other people like to do (or try to do)? What are your lenten goals?

A nice morning chat

I know this is not really a chat, but I like to think of it as such. I also chat with God throughout the day, even if that is sometimes more of a one sided plea for help! He sometimes gets a word in edgewise.

As I sit here with my animal crackers and coffee, (Breakfast of some kind of Champions, somewhere), I am contemplating-

1. The lifestyle changes I have to make, re: the results of my recent doctor visit, revealing that I do have the Epstein-Barr virus, but it is not present in my blood enough to really say I have it. So, I am sick, but not sick enough to be called sick, but sick enough to need to take steps to get better. Better from the not-sick.

2. The lifestyle changes I wanted to make for Lent. (Lent, translates in my mind as this-"the season in which I am going to whip myself into spiritual shape, by implementing disciplines of both body and mind, of military proportions; and therefore be freed from my miserable state and go forward in glory.)"  Only now I must think of everything in light of this pseudo sickness.

 "But", you say, (because we are after all, regarding this as a chat, so we must keep up your end), "it all sort of lines up, doesn't it? There will be loads of discipline in doing the things that will make you better, and the time in which you will have to slow down can be spent in prayer and reading. And instead of fasting in the strict sense, you could fast from unhealthy foods (what, like animal crackers and biscotti?) to promote your healing." My goodness, you're right! What incredible wisdom and insight you have! I am so glad we had this chat!

Of course I still am planning on striving to get to either daily mass and/or adoration. I gave myself this week "off," with the exception of tomorrow, which is First Friday, and I am NOT giving up my so far unbroken string of First Fridays! (tomorrow is 7!). It is hard to break patterns and habits, so I am pretty sure God sent this little arrangement to "help" me. 

Here are some of my plans for Lent. Mice and men, watch out.

1. Daily prayer, inculding my usuals; Rosary, Divine Mercy, 9 Memorares (known as the  911 for special serious intentions, of which I always have). Green scapular prayers , that I gave to all my kids and their sig. others. I want to add--the Chaplet of Saint Michael, and the  Chaplet to Saint Therese.
 Hopefully, all my sitting around will help me accomplish some of this. And my parish, St. Monica's, is holding the  Novena of Grace. I know, another novena may be pushing it! We'll see.

2. A few dietary and leisure sacrifices. Drinking only water, with a cup of coffee or tea in the morning and evening. No sweets. Maybe I will make something for after Sunday supper, mostly for the kids. Fruit would be okay, and in keeping with the general health thing. If you have any good meatless recipes, send one or two my way? 

No facebook and very little TV. 

3. Disciplines--planning and maintaining house cleaning, purging of crap,-uh, I mean extra stuff, and getting started on the repainting and floor refinishing of our first floor. I keep a fairly clean house, for all the traffic we have in here ( I spoke about that once, here ), but I am not too organized about it, and let some jobs go too long. Then, after inviting company over, I see the place with new eyes and have to go on a cleaning tear. 

4. Read! This one is not a sacrifice at all, but I have a suggested list I will be working from that is mostly spiritual. If you are interested to know about which ones, I will be blogging about them as I go along.

       hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. 

 The list includes......brrrrbrbrrrrrrr, TSH! The Bible. As an Evangelical, I read my Bible and went to Bible Studies galore, and I am grateful for that background. But last night I had to borrow my daughters Catholic Bible to use during Lent. On the rare occasion I read from it, I just use my old NASB. And I do still kind of love it. But I want to read Tobit and the other books not in that version. We do have the online Magnificat, but I like to read from real books  whenever possible. They are like old friends. Yes, all my friends are pretty old now, and we are all starting to smell like old books. Trip to Bath and Body Works, anyone?

Hopefully, this is not too much for my poor frail self to do. (for Meghann--a bit of jest. not license to refer to me as frail.:)

In closing here is a painting that inspires me for Lent:

It is   The Annunciation, by Henry O. Tanner. I love how he captures Mary at a moment when she is obviously taken by surprise, her bed and floor rug rumpled, perhaps still in her night clothes. She doesn't have a fearful expression, so maybe Gabriel has already said, "do not fear."  She might be just about to ask, ""How can this be?" And then say the most beautiful, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word."

Besides Gabriel's presence, it is such a familiar setting, one I can relate to. (Except my hair is standing generally on end upon arising). But I can see myself sitting on my bed, talking to God, having something of the same expression. It kind of embodies how I would like to experience Lent this year.

 And now, friend, thank you for sitting and chatting. In case I have hyperlinked you into a state of whiplash-like neck pain or carpal tunnel or something, I apologize. Well, look at it this way, now you have something to offer up!



whoops! okay just one more link. Today is the anniversary of Bob's audition. Happy six years of joining the circus, honey!