beginning, and beginning again

“He who climbs never stops going from beginning to beginning, through beginnings that have no end. He never stops desiring what he already knows.” -St. Gregory of Nissa

“This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections.” -St. Augustine

“To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often.” -Bl. John Henry Cardinal Newman

Well well, it seems I will come out of blog-retirement and throw some words at whomever would like to read them.  It has been roughly a year, and I could go all What I Did on my Summer Vacation on you, but don't worry. I don't have the strength.

What has motivated me is simply that I would like to share some of my spiritual journey. It has been quite a year in many respects, and have thought recently that some of my experiences might resonate with -someone- and so if even one person is encouraged, I will be completely happy with that.

I am not even going to attempt to go chronologically. I would drive myself and any reader crazy, and besides, since God exists outside of time, it's all good.

But really, first things first. In the post immediately preceding this one, you will see a precious newborn. Who happens to be my granddaughter. So, following Rule Number One in the Grandparent handbook, I must, under threat of losing my membership, show you updated pictures.

Okay! A year in the life of a baby. Every day another milestone! I could go on.


But I mentioned some spiritual growth or some junk, so I will tell you about that.


I want to start with a period of fasting and prayer that I joined in with back in February. It is called Nineveh 90, which is a 90 day program of prayer and fasting. It is similar to a Lenten period, with prescribed prayers and disciplines. The round I joined in actually encompassed Lent and so was interesting to have Lent within a Lent.  The 90 days wrapped up on May 13, the 100th anniversary of the apparitions of Our Lady of Fatima. There were small groups that one could join online, which I did, and we met each week to check in and see how everyone was doing, what was a struggle, and shared prayer intentions. I got to know some lovely people, and we hope to keep up with each other online. If you follow the link you can read for quite a while on the Nineveh 90 website, there are many articles and prayers.

Those are the nuts and bolts, but it's what comes about on a personal level that is the real point. These sort of groups have many scores of people praying, which is in itself a wonderful thing. But the idea that I am but a cog in a larger movement of prayer, saying prayers here in my South Philadelphia row home; effecting change in the world for the salvation of souls for eternity--that alone gives me a sense of humble awe--and hope for all the many issues of our day and for poor souls. It appeals to my sense of wanting to DO SOMETHING for all the needs in my world and the larger world, that I otherwise would be powerless to address.( I was born on the feast of St. Martha, so--).

This period also helped me in my ability to grow in self-discipline. Out of the prayers, dietary guidelines, fasting days, exercise, limit of internet and TV for entertainment, and regular adoration and confession, I would say that incorporating prayer into my day was the best benefit. I pray at regular times throughout the day, short prayers, and say the Rosary daily, along with some other prayers I say at night. I try to examine my conscience every night, though I have fallen off of that a bit. It does make for a much better confession. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, the prayers did not_feel_very spiritual, as I had to read them until I got them memorized, but as I persevered, I began to see that simply the offering of my time and devotion was producing something in my life. Even if I didn't immediately have pious emotions, my prayers were doing the work in which they were intended. Which, honestly, is not ever to make me feel holy, but to go towards the greater will of God, which I only know but a crumb. My life, my world, my reality, while real, is not the ultimate reality that God sees. but he allows us to participate in his plan anyway. And he makes each person important to the whole, and somehow, every small act contributes, whether for good or for ill. That  is something I want to share with you in a future post.

I also want to tell more about my journey to come to know Mary better. As a convert, I did not always think of her first when I would go looking for an intercessor. Now, I try to give everything to her first. That will be a post unto itself.

Until then, I leave you ,Clementine:

giving Him our time and relinquishing control

I have written about my conversion to Catholicism before. I am very aware of my perspective as a convert, and sometimes I feel the need to share some thoughts on being that ex-prot/non-denom/evangelical. Now is one of those times.

I may have mentioned that just being raised non-Catholic, I was taught either directly or indirectly, negative things about Catholics. Whether it was my mother, who went to Catholic school ( I don't really know if she also was baptized or raised Catholic) talked about having to switch her writing hand from left to right, or make remarks about the Catholic families on our street; or if it was other things said by bitter lapsed Catholics I have known, I managed to unconsciously collect some misinformation along the way. All the usuals; statues being false gods, "working their way into heaven", the "worship"of Mary. and of course, the old, "they are followers of man made rules instead of followers of Jesus" thing. I did notice that most who would say that last one had found themselves on the wrong side of one of those rules and were unwilling to consider the Church's remedy. But anyways.
 The few Church rules or teachings I have been thinking about recently are, the Sunday Mass obligation and the Rosary.

Sunday Mass.

 Some have wondered why this is required and is a mortal sin if missed  *unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. " (~from the Catechism)

 What makes sense to me about this, is that God knows our human weakness and tendency to be lazy. He knows how important it is for us to be in His presence, how much we need to be taught His Word and fed by His body and blood. How much grace we receive for our daily lives just by being at Holy Mass at least once a week.

It has been purposely made easy for us. There are multiple masses at any Catholic church in the world, offered beginning on Saturday evening going until Sunday evening. Most will only spend less than an hour at church. We have enjoyed, while traveling, masses in different places. It always amazes me, the true universality of the mass, and the brotherhood of Catholics.

So, the Church requires that we give God at least this small sacrifice of our time. That we prioritize and set aside some time for Him each week. He loves us, died for us, redeemed us, and we owe Him this act of love and respect in return. In short, He asks for some of our TIME. Time spent on on Him now that deposits His grace to live in a way that we might spend all time and eternity in heaven.

As much sense as this makes to me, I also realize that the gift of faith plays a part. the gift of gaining a perspective other than my own. Or at least be willing to do so. To not have to have all things be my way or bend to my own will. To be obedient, humble, docile to the Lord. Or at least, be willing to be made so.



The Rosary.

It is not required that we pray the Rosary. It is an optional practice.

 I have heard it compared to the "meaningless repetition" referenced in Matthew 6:7. Critics often state that it is not heartfelt nor original to the individual, therefore, less authentic.

My criticism of the criticism is this:

1. The words of the rosary are taken from the Gospels. Unless you are ready to put the words of the Gospels in the "meaningless"category, I suggest further consideration.

2. Repetition. Yes, we do repeat the prayers. While doing so, we meditate on the Mysteries, which are all about the life of Jesus. By doing this we are doing two things, spending some TIME in prayer, and going beyond our own thoughts. Gaining a perspective that is not our own. Generally, five decades of the Rosary takes about 15 minutes. So, I give to God this fifteen minutes talking to His Mother, asking for her intercession.
 If left to myself,  a few minutes in prayer and I would be distracted, my focus on Jesus difficult to maintain. The wisdom of the Church in offering a fifteen minute prayer, gives a us a framework to spend this time with God. Jesus, on His part, longs for us and we have this beautiful opportunity to give Him fifteen minutes in which He has our focus. Again, TIME.

 I once heard someone say that praying the Rosary daily changed his life. I took that as a challenge. Now, I can't tell you how many times I have arrived at the end of a Rosary with some clear thought or direction, or some peace about a problem. I have not achieved perfection in the daily praying, but I never stop working towards it.

3. Being original is not all it's cracked up to be, and almost 100% of the time, what we think is original to us, is not. Check in with Ecclesiastes sometime.
I once wrote about this idea here. Just so I am consistent! (tongue is in cheek).

4. As far as being heartfelt, that is something that can wax and wane. Some days, a person can approach prayer with true passion and emotion, and others, not so much. The beauty of praying the Rosary, indeed, taking the TIME to do so, is that we offer ourselves in prayer whether or not we feel like it. If we allowed our feelings to dictate when and how we prayed, I fear prayer would become nothing more than a vent session with God.

5. Vent sessions with God are also fine. And needed. And if I can speak for God, welcome. Spontaneous prayer, ie;, just talking to God all throughout the day is a wonderful thing. Precious. Indispensable. I know this because God is a father, and as a parent, I know that we want to hear the heartfelt thoughts of our children. Their fears, hopes, requests. everything.

But, I submit to you, that praying the Rosary, and any of the prayers offered by the Church, (such as the Divine Mercy Chaplet), help to put us in a better frame of mind, to gain that heavenly perspective outside ourselves, with which to approach Him all the rest of the day.

So, I challenge you. Pray the Rosary and see your life change.

Also, consider giving Him some of your time. Make Mass a priority, Know that it will involve sacrifice, however small. See what comes of it. Trust God, and trust the wisdom of the Church.

7 Quick Takes- First Lenten Friday edition

1.Welcome to the first Friday in Lent! By the grace of God, I was able to make it to early mass. It was a blessing. 

2. How are your Lenten practices going. Off to a good start? This was the first year since I've been Catholic that I didn't get ashes. The day was just long and busy, and by the time 7:00 rolled around, I was done. Plus, the fasting made me tired. I have no right to complain, though, as my poor husband had a medical test that required no food at all that day. Everything turned out well, thank God.

3. I did wake up in the middle of the night last night, and used the insomnia as a good time to say a Rosary.

4. Today has a few service activities, so I have that going for me. I always say, if you have kids, you have lots of built in opportunities for service and sometimes even penance. 

5.One additional thing I am doing is listening to Father Z's Lentcasts. He puts them out daily, and they are short but meaty. (acceptable sort of meat, even on Fridays) They are posted to his blog each morning. He also posted several versions of audio Stations of the Cross.

6. Yuk. Turning clocks ahead this weekend. Takes me two weeks to adjust. Oh well. Penance! 

 


7. If you have any prayer requests, I would be happy to add them to my Lenten prayers.

Peace, 

Kelly

A Post A Day #2 -- one week until Lent, how do you get ready?

If you are anything like me, you have approximately sixty seven things you want to do or not do, not eat, read, pray, attend, or avoid. The house suddenly looks too dirty and cluttered to be a haven for we Lenten Pilgrims to trudge through make a peaceful journey towards Easter.

Incidentally, most of the books I wanted to read from last year are still in a pile near my bed.









My husband bought all the Tastykakes and cookies, ice cream, whipped cream, we could possibly hold.  I added some mint Oreos, Mom added biscotti and Torrone. And I plan to hit up Federal Donuts, and bake some red velvet cupcakes. All this before next Wednesday. As you may note, we get nervous about saying goodbye to our sweets. And I am voraciously reading all the novels I can find.

We do have a March birthday that almost coincides with St. Patrick's Day, and there is St. Joseph's Day. And Sundays. On those special days we can eat some desserts, or have a bigger meal, so it isn't as dire as it might be, looking through the lens of Ash Wednesday.


Typically our usual thing for Lent is:

1. No sweets
2. No between meal snacks
3. Of course meatless Fridays, and we try to go meatless at least one other night for dinner
4. Frugal meals, with the idea that we donate what we save, but I'm not sure if that actually happens.
5.We do put money in the Rice Bowl. We have sometimes needed to fish some back out.
6. Bob and I try to get to some daily masses. He goes on his lunch hour and I try to go in the mornings.


I like to unplug to some degree, I go off of Facebook and don't watch much TV. (oddly, every year during Lent the Food Network runs good shows which I will watch on Sunday nights).  I wouldn't insist other people stop watching TV, so sometimes I end up watching things others have on. But I can read with the TV on and it doesn't bother me. As I mentioned, I have a lot of material I like to or want to read during Lent.
Here are some:
Introduction to the Devout Life, DeSales
33 days to Morning Glory (A Marian Consecration) Fr. Michael E. Gaitley
He Leadeth Me, Fr. Walter Ciszek
Imitation of Christ and assorted other daily readings
Bible


My goal this year is to make gains in the area of personal discipline, especially spiritually, but also physically and practically, such as in scheduling, shopping, planning. I am praying for grace to overcome some of the emotional and mental clutter that holds me back in life. I love that grace seems especially available during Lent.

I really, really want to pray the Rosary every single day, and make that stick for always.

I want to make a difference in the course of my journey with Christ, and gain a more heavenly perspective on my time here.


 I know I go into Lent with a barrage of  ideas, and have accepted that I might not carry it all out perfectly. In fact I know I won't. But it's okay as long as I make some kind of progress.



I am interested to know what other people like to do (or try to do)? What are your lenten goals?

7 quick Mary-from-a-convert's-POV takes

 This past week, a lovely lady in Mexico happened upon this blog and read ALL my posts, and commented on a good number. In one comment, she said, "...He's been struggling with reaching out to Mary (it's the "problem of Mary" thing with us converts) and I've been asking her to bridge the gap. She is so faithful!"

I can understand the feeling of foreign-ness associated with the veneration of the Blessed Mother for those of us who were taught that Mary was important, but not so much as to overshadow or compete with Jesus for our affections. And definitely taught to fear how Catholics "worshipped" her and other saints. Even going so far as to make idols in the form of statues. Okay.

I could copy and paste passages from the Catechism. But anyone could go and look that up as easily as I could. Instead, I am going to give you my experience and thoughts about embracing Mary from my perspective as a convert.

1. Newsflash for those thinking of going to RCIA. You will not learn enough to sustain your faith forever. It is just a jumping off point; a place to get the nuts and bolts, and ask your questions. The Catholic faith is a deep well of which no human ever gets to the bottom. We are talking about God here, and our minds can only comprehend so much of Him. Though really, it is a matter of the heart.  Knowing, loving, and serving God does not require a PHD, just a willing heart. But having TOO little teaching, or even worse, BAD teaching, will do a big injustice to you in your life as a Catholic. At worst, you may give up altogether. That can potentially have the most dire consequences there are.

So here are a few great sources for converts, besides the Catechism:

--Scott Hahn. A convert himself, and Bible Scholar. He words things in a way people that were not raised Catholic can understand. Sometimes, Catholics don't know they are speaking Catholic-speak.
One good one is Rome Sweet Home, but there are scores of works.

--Father Corapi. Yes I know the controversy. But I also know His teaching was as solid as anything out there. If you can get hold of any of his books or recordings about the catechism or the Rosary, He explains Mary in a way that dispels all doubt. One thing I remember Fr. Corapi frequently said  was, "If she is good enough for Jesus, she is good enough for me."


2. Logic. Here is the way I thought about accepting the Church's teaching:

A.  Do I ask people here on earth to pray for me?
B. Do I usually pick the ones I know pray a lot and love God?
C. Do I believe that Christians who die (eventually) go to heaven? (Not doing Purgatory here, that is for another post).
D. Are they still alive there?
E. Do I think Mary was a Christian believer?
F. Do I think she went to heaven?

If I believe all of the above, why then, would I have any reservation in asking her to pray for me? Because that is ALL we are doing. We are asking her to intercede for us. Something we have no trouble asking of another imperfect human, we can ask the Mother of Our Lord. Why would anyone not want to do this?

 

                                                                               Our Lady of Czestochowa



                                  Queen of Heaven

3. The Doctrine of Mary is a large topic. She has scores of Titles. Queen of Peace. Mother of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Good Counsel (pictured on my sidebar), Mother of Mercy, Theotokos (God-Bearer). Hundreds of Titles. All highlighting a different aspect. I could never accurately teach anyone the entirety of what there is to know about her. I only know a thimbleful myself. But I do know that Church teaching about her is backed up in history and scripture. The archangel Gabriel would not be ABLE to spout heresy. But he said to her, "Hail, full of grace (a title),"and "blessed are you among women."

4. The Rosary. Again, not an exhaustive treatise about the Rosary here. Just a few observations.

-- A quote from Father Corapi; "To pray the Rosary is to pray the Gospel." Think about that. The Mysteries walk us through the life of Jesus. The life of who? Mary? No. Jesus. Mary always points us to Jesus. One of her few recorded quotes is "Listen to Him."

The text of the Rosary is taken from the prayer Jesus gave us, the Our Father. The Hail Mary prayer is taken directly from the words of scripture. Gabriel's words; "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed Art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." And then a plea for her intercession. Holy Mary, Mother of God (Jesus=God. Christians should not have a problem with this?) pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Years back, I heard a speaker at a (gasp) Charismatic conference say this-"Praying the Rosary changed my life." That statement alone was so powerful that I wanted to try it. I was a new Catholic then, and not in the habit of praying the Rosary. By the way, another speaker at that conference was Father Raniero Cantalamessa preacher to the Papal household. Even Papa Benedict XVI.

 Anyway, the praying of the Rosary contains great power. But! you may say, I pray right to Jesus, in my own words, from my heart!  Yes! By all means. But if you are thinking that the Rosary falls under the "empty repetition"  category, please refer to number 3. No emptiness there. The repetition keeps us meditating on the life of Jesus for more than two seconds, slows us down enough that we might give God a chance to bless our ever-wandering-and-rushing-about selves. I don't know if that is the reason for the number of Hail Marys but it makes sense to me.

5.A really big reason for praying the Rosary. Humility. Heck a really big reason for believing in Jesus at all. We understand that we humans are the created, not the Creator. We don't make the sun come up in the morning. Some of us can hardly make ourselves get up in the morning!

Archbishop Fulton Sheen said, "The rosary is the book of the blind, where souls see and there enact the greatest drama of love the world has ever known; it is the book of the simple, which initiates them into mysteries and knowledge more satisfying than the education of other men; it is the book of the aged, whose eyes close upon the shadow of this world, and open on the substance of the next. The power of the rosary is beyond description."

To have any obedience to Jesus in His Church at all, we first have to get off the throne of our life. Some things may not make sense to us at first. Some teachings may really make us upset. BUT. If we understand that it is we whose minds and hearts are fallen and deficient, and we who don't understand, we can trust God and be docile to the Church and ultimately, to God. So many seem to want God and the Church to jump through all THEIR hoops, and to conform to their own ideas. That, sadly, is much of what makes it to the headlines. I am pretty certain Jesus doesn't put much stock in headlines.

6. I still pray directly to Jesus. But I now love to talk with Mary, and pour out my hopes, fears, worries and day to day struggles. She understands from a woman's and a mother's standpoint, which to me, is huge. My own mother passed away when I was 23. When I married, I chose a ring that has sapphires.  Because, as I told my husband, "if I can't have my earthly mother at our wedding, at least I can have the Blessed Mother." (blue stones=Mary, just in case...)

7. My humble suggestion. Pray the Rosary. Every day. If you cannot get through five decades, do one at first. Say yes to God as Mary did. She didn't demand to know everything beforehand. She trusted God. And if you really want to get to know Mary-- go through the Consecration. There is a link up on my sidebar. I try to do this three times a year or so. There is another version, called, 33 Days to Morning Glory, which I also really like. The original one is a bit more formal, but both are life-changing.

Peace! 

Kelly

My recent life, in seven semi-quick takes

Hopefully, for once, I can take to heart the "quick"in my seven quick takes. Laundromat awaits, as it has been either too rainy or too muggy to put stuff out on the clothesline. I have only had one other laundromat run all summer -- not too shabby!

1. So I think I mentioned we have been working on redoing two of the bedrooms. We switched Ben and Malaika's rooms, Ben got a new bed, and Malaika is awaiting one.

Here is the before pic when this room was still Ben's. It actually is a mid-move pic, as he was sorting and shuffling things around.Behind that blanket mounded up in the corner of the bed is a sizable hole in the wall. Old home=plaster walls=if you bump into them they crumble.

This room is now Malaika's -- here are the afters. It is basically a hang out, do homework (soon!) and dressing room until we get that bed for her. Ikea has a very cool chair/bed I have my eye on to work with the room's smallness.

Melissa painted the main design on the dresser and Malaika added a few finishing touches. Some of the artwork is courtesy of Rachael, but Malaika is a burgeoning artist as well. The sideways headboard from Malaika's old bed serves as something to hang necklaces, headphones, or whatever she fancies.

 Desk, from my friends Marie and Bill, who generously let us go shopping for free through their possessions before they moved to South Carolina. The front drops open and has all sorts of cubbies inside. (*note--Bill just had major surgery, I would ask your prayers for him and their whole family -- miss them so much!)

The blue dressers are from our neighbors across the street who were THROWING THEM AWAY. They are in perfect condition, and I love the idea of trash picking saving good things from the landfill. (how we also acquired our kitchen chairs). Ahem.

Curtain material--Rachael purchased and didn't use. I craftily ruched it up with twine because sewing and I are not on speaking terms. The sheer is to cover some of the crumbling plaster wall. Also the placement of the dressers, (though if I must say so myself, I did a mighty miraculous job with the spackle to close up and paint over the holes). I just wanted to prevent the worst one from opening back up if she bumped it, or say, a fly landed on it.

Here is the bed I hope to get for her.













2. Here is how Ben's room looks now. I don't have a before picture, but the walls alone are a sight for sore eyes.  Melissa did a lot of the painting in this room, and put the bed together. I painted too but spackled cracks mostly. So. many. cracks. You can see a huge one running down the wall next to the bookshelf. And that's the repaired version.

Ben is enjoying having a good bed and a room he wants to spend time in, My next hope is to get him a bigger desk. He is starting college next week, and Melissa is starting her final two semesters. Rachael was promoted at her job, and Corrie is doing well at hers. Praise God! Malaika starts her eighth grade year, with all it's perks. Formal dance, trip, and probably more.

3.  My daughter Meghann and a friend,  ran the Color Run in Grand Rapids. They had a blast! She pulled Kaden in a wagon most of the way.

4. One day while I was taking a walk and praying the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, I got to thinking. Usually when I get to the fourth mystery, the Presentation of the Child Jesus in the Temple, I also present my own children to Jesus. And at the fifth mystery, the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple, I pray they all ultimately will be found in His temple.

As I was pondering how Mary and Joseph might have felt during the three days Jesus was missing (no prophetic numbers are ever wasted!),  certainly they must have been worried. As I also worry about my own, even as I present them to Him all the time. In my mind, I see Jesus in His temple, doing what?...His Father's business, and I imagine them there also. What is His Father's business, I wondered? I could think of many things, but what came to mind is that He is going looking for those lost sheep.  Seeking to save those who are lost. Finding those lost coins that don't even know they are lost. Binding up the brokenhearted.

So, even as Mary and Joseph found Jesus safe and sound, I rest in the knowledge that His mission is to find all my children safe and sound, which I will never stop asking of Him, and trusting in His goodness that it will be so.

And of course we know that to pray the Rosary is to pray the Gospels, and that it was the weapon of choice for so many saints, including Padre Pio, against the wickedness and snares of the devil.


5.  Looking forward to the routine that the kids going back to school brings. Even though it can be hectic, at least there is that feeling of progress, which I love. A good saying I heard recently --- Progress, not Perfection. And that doing some small thing, even sloppily, for a little bit, on a regular basis, can bring about change; whereas, waiting for the perfect time or circumstance only halts progress. Another good way to put it:

Ordinary things, consistently done, lead to extraordinary results.

Not a new concept, but worthy of reiterating.

6.  The cat.

and Malaika.

Good thing her allergies don't extend to animal dander.



7. Thankful and grateful for this day. For the ability to go and do what I need to, and even occasionally, what I want. I am thankful for my life: the blessings, the tough stuff, lessons learned, ongoing struggles, the wonderful husband and children, good friends, the grace to always be able to try again, the beauty that is a part of life as well as the pain. Even for the laundromat.

~God Bless and Keep you~

Kelly

fighting the good fight

So here I am on what might just be a regular Wednesday. Or maybe it will turn out to be an extraordinary Wednesday in the course of history, who knows?

                                                                   
It has been tough going these past days and weeks. Difficulties with my family, friends, myself. Ugh. Where would I be without prayer in general and the Rosary in particular? I am unable to get myself to daily mass since the advent of school, and am very fortunate if I remember to go on a first Friday. Heck, I can't even rein myself in enough to sit and say a daily Rosary.  My strategy is to start while I am in my morning shower; and finish while I dress and tidy the upstairs, start laundry and do other tasks. Occasionally, I will force myself to sit down for the last decade or so, but that doesn't happen much.

--  this is my hand knotted Rosary. I made it because it travels well. Corrie gave me the cross. which I treasure for that reason and also because Kaden broke it the first time when he was a tiny guy of about one, because I let him play with it and he swung it around, cracking the cross in two as it whacked into a wall. Ever since, if I drop it in church on the marble floors, it breaks in the same place, and I remember again how much fun he was,  running around Meghann and Jeff's cute first apartment, swinging my rosary (then beads).

Today, though, I did pray. I also cleaned house, which is the best therapy when I am feeling anxious. I did much of it simultaneously. I don't think the Blessed Mother minds. I'm sure she did her share of household chores. There is something good about adding work to prayer. There are particularly serious situations happening now that are way beyond my ability to control or even figure out. While I was praying/cleaning, and wondering what I could do, I remembered the verses about adding fasting to our prayer. So I am.
  I woke up this morning with the taste of tea in my mouth. I just kind of laughed to myself and went on, but as I prayed and decided to fast, I remembered that. So -- you guessed it -- a Tea Fast. It's not bad! It helps that Rachael baked the cake I wanted to bake today for me and is helping with dinner preparations. Cause, yeah, the growlies are starting. But, if I didn't feel the hunger, where would the sacrificial element be? So--BRING IT ON!  Haha. I say that now. It's only 3:15.
But I love to put God's word to the test. (Not God himself). He even invites us to put his words to the test, and see how faithful He is.
*note--it is now after dinner, and we ended up having my daughter and her fiance, who also brought lovely additions to the meal, so, out of COURTESY I had to eat. I am thinking of trying again tomorrow, even though I know even a partial fast "counts." Hopefully I will not wake up tomorrow with the taste of --say-- chocolate cake, cause that would be a weird fast.

You know how sometimes the strangest things can give you hope and inspiration? Right now I am reading the novel Shogun, by James Clavell. I've read it a couple times before, but it's been years. Something I find very striking is the courage and faith of the character Mariko. She is a convert to the Catholic faith, but she is also samurai. A woman's role in her world is a strange mixture of quiet subservience mixed with respect and even power. As samurai she is trained to fight and courageously defend her liege lord. She prays to the Virgin, but can wield her swords when necessary.  I feel drawn to that image; a Catholic woman, living in the modern world that is very often hostile to my beliefs, having to face difficult, often impossible situations, and occasionally having to fight against oppressors, both human and spirit.
 Another aspect of the Japanese culture, as portrayed in the book, is the ability to draw serenity and solace from the beauty of nature, during even the most turbulent experiences. The Lord Toranaga is, at one point, hemmed in by enemies and desperately casting about for a way to survive, both physically and politically. Before he makes any decision he has a cup of tea, and listens to the rain. There are scores of examples of this kind of practice in the story, and while they are drawn from an Eastern pattern of thought, I equate them with drawing my thoughts away from the present moment, and turning toward Jesus, and asking the Holy Spirit to guide me. I am looking forward to getting my back patio spruced up for summer, to provide just that kind of spot to sit and be quiet in.
Last night, after a pretty rough day full of inner distress, I looked out my bedroom window, and the full moon hung just over the tops of the houses across the street. I was touched by the beauty and singular position I had just happened to catch it, so I took this picture.

All those other orbs are my windows making crazy effects. But it was a cool moment. Take my word for it.

The other thing I am doing, besides, praying, cleaning, fasting, and not fasting, is trying to say thank you to God and to people.
Today--thankful for my health, my home, the love of my husband and children,  the beautiful weather, God's provision of our needs. For certain people knowing I needed some extra company and support. For friends that pray. For a lovely quiet morning.

Now here are the harder ones -- I am grateful nonetheless, because they are opportunities for Grace: tough financial times, illness of family members, other broken sinners who say hurtful things in hurtful ways, my own wounds being reopened, sadness,  fear, regret.  These may not provide comfort now, but they teach.


Here are a few pictures that arrived with perfect timing--unbeknownst to the senders.

Who could not feel the smile of God when looking at those?

Changing Lanes?

See the problem here?

       Well, friends,  it seems I am at a crossroads. I have reached the point in my Court Reporting courses in which speed building is beginning. It requires that I write dictations at increasing speeds, lengths and difficulties, and then transcribe my steno notes,


( you remember; these things-->)
 
















      It is something that is consuming my life. When I am not actually doing it, I am thinking about it, often in stressful ways. Doing the speed tests really freaks me out; my mind turns to scrambled eggs, my fingers turn to popsicle sticks, I write a bunch of garbage,  and then I have one hour to go and transcribe that garbage into a perfect legal document. Well, first I have to puzzle out what I just wrote. That part, even though it is hard, I kind of enjoy. I do like puzzles. So, while praying a Rosary this morning (all my clearest thinking happens then), I wondered if I should switch my focus over to becoming a proofreader and scopist?

Just for laughs, let me show you what I wrote on my last speed test. This one was only 50 words per minute. Granted, it was only the second one I ever completed. I started another one that I bailed out on because I began to have a nervous breakdown.

Kelly Seppy 50  Test Number 4  May 14,2012

Dear Mr. /STPHAEUPLs, /TKOUPBTless you are familiar with the /ED con tamer company.  If you are, your know it as a /KUSful /ARPB that is /TPHAEUBGing fine /WAEUPLer.  Your /TPHAOEPB it as a company that is doing a business of more than ten physical dollars a year.  That organization was not always /SA suggestion /UGS /‑PT.  Infact /HRAS than ten /KRAOERGS it was /HR‑PLS red to got out of business.  Its /ERPings were low and its sets were /STEL /HRE de/KRESing.  Ina/TKEULGS the /PHER /HRAL of people /KHOE /WOERBGed for it left much to be de/SAEURed.  One /TKAL the /PWOERD of /TKEUR tars talled us in to see whether we could put the business back on a /TAEUing bases.  Besent in our staff of management ex/PEBTs who quickly /TUT their bun /TPER on the /THUBL.  They fount that the sails de/PABT /PH‑PBT was not reaching the fourth of the position /PHARGT of /PRAUGTs.  /PHAUR fount that /KHAOEUL the sails staff was large for an organization of that size yet it /TKEUT not /TKO*FR its imagine ore marketings.  The sails staff watt calling on the small calls for a conclusion /PHERing and /TPHE /TPHREBGTing if /PWEUS ones.  It was not long after the cushion of our staff were put into /EF educate that the /ED son /PAEUPLer company was once agone /TPHAEUBGing none /‑FPL if your organization is not /TPHAEUBGing if /PREPLTs that the you have every right to expect /‑RBGSZ why not let us some in and fake a survey of your business?  There is /TPHE charge of any kind for that service.  Yours very truly,

    All those words in caps with slashes are the ones I wrote so wrong they didn't translate to anything. Some others were still wrong, but translated to words anyway. Such as, "more than ten physical dollars a year," and "let us some in and fake a survey of your business." Or my personal favorite, "our staff of management (experts) who quickly (put) their bun" ...on something.

The REALLY crazy part is that I was able to take the raw steno notes (see above) of that mess and get 92% of it transcribed correctly. So--yeah my BRILLIANT mind, together with the help of the Blessed Mother said--hey! You could just do THAT part of the job, still get paid and have a career, not <-----have to bludgeon yourself to death hunched over a steno machine 3+ hours every stinkin day! Well, the Blessed Mother didn't say it exactly that way, but that was the gist.




So, dear friends, please say a prayer for me as I look into this. I am hoping it will be a good path, one on which I can retain what little bits of sanity I have left while simultaneously HAVING A LIFE.

God Bless you! +JMJ+

Peace, 

Kelly

7 quick takes Friday #4, minus three- update

one

This week was and is chock full of world news mayhem. Some of it, here. People of my generation are not accustomed to quite so much unrest. There are some that think I am a bit naive about it, especially about the priest scandals. Maybe so. When it all gets overwhelming, I think of my dad. He was a firefighter for the Navy during WWII, and the times that he and my mother lived through, right on the heels of the Great Depression.  I remember that there is nothing new under the sun, and that God is the same, looking at all of this, not disturbed in the least. Sad, maybe for how far his beloved people have fallen, if God can be sad in that way. I only can think of earthly parents and children, even adult children, and know the deep sadness we can feel when our own are having any kind of trouble. As much as I believe in getting out and doing what we can about the evil swirling around us, I just want to pray and, yes, even fast ( I am saying it that way to MYSELF), for the state of the world. 

two

Bob and I have been asked to provide the music for Helpers of Gods Precious Infants, Philadelphia, on an ongoing basis. For about three  or four years, we have been the pinch hitters, the seminarians being the primaries. We are excited to be given this honor, and ask for your prayers that we will be able to fulfill this for God's glory.

three

Hang onto your hats, kids! Here are a few snapshots from my daily life. Today, even. I go to my local Acme a lot. Nearly every day. The people that work there sometimes laugh and say, "see you tomorrow!" Only, it's true. They are all very nice to all of my family, the manager gave my MIL flowers for her birthday. Once, Justin went with me for a quick Acme run, and everybody was saying hello, how are ya, etc...and he said, "what are you, Acme royalty?" Pretty much, or at least a minor celebrity. It's not so bad!

My sun roof looks like this today.

This is where I spend a good deal of my time.

  

 These people are the salt of the earth. Please pray for this lovely woman, who is in tons of pain with a bad knee, and has been told she should get a replacement.

four

Well, as it sometimes happens, I just got a phone call informing me that one of my daughters has just had another seizure and is on her way to the ER. So I ask your prayers, and I hope to be back to add a few more quick takes that include some good news.

 

The power of the rosary.

A detail from the Sistine Chapel.

~update~

My daughter was admitted to the hospital last night for testing.  Last night when I left she was feeling okay, except for a headache, kind of common after a seizure. Thank you for your prayers! Please continue to offer them for her and her doctors.

 

Our Modern Life

Today I am thinking about how we, as sinners, are still so loved by God, and accepted as His children. How he gave us the family as a constant picture and reminder of what it means to be a child, a father and a mother; a sister and a brother. All those relationships illustrate in a very direct way, some part of our relationship with God, Jesus, and the Blessed Mother. I am especially thinking of those of us who  are living in our own version of the Modern Family, with blended family relationships, and the difficulties of many more modern day challenges than those of our own growing up years. Could you have foreseen what life today would be like, at say, age seventeen? How many of your family or friends were touched by divorce, as compared to now? Who would even have known what the letters LGBT even meant?

Being a parent can often put a spotlight on my failings and weaknesses, and very often, show me how my past choices have reached forward in time to bear fruit in one way or another. I can look at this in a couple of ways. One would be to become paralyzed with fear, knowing that even what seems to be the smallest of choices, words or acts can sometimes form the future of another. Or I can become overly regretful, and wallow in sorrow. Lately, I have come to learn that God's love for me as well as my family and friends, is able to encompass all the foibles of my life, and even make the proverbial lemonade from the lemons I have handed Him. I have come to see just a little, that happiness, and even joy, are possible, and this is the best part...even before I get life all figured out. Before I "arrive", or even live a moderately good life. He knows that my intention is to always do better, to get closer to Him, and to give everything I have to Him in gratitude for all He has given me.

I mean, think about it. Those of you who have children; do you wait to love your kids until they do everything right? Or until they stop goofing up? Or until they have all their theology right? Or those who have parents still living--(okay only some will relate here)--do you feel unloved or rejected if you are in a financial bind and have to ask for help? Or suffer the fallout of a bad relationship? This one may not be quite as universal, but there are still some who have had the blessing of loving parents who themselves are not hindered with the "modern family" kinds of troubles. Many times, it is only a parent who can delight with you at the small things your child does, or grieve at the everyday bumps and bruises.

These are only a tiny fraction of examples, but all of them show us in a concrete way, how God looks upon us. How we can always feel secure that He is never too busy to listen to our small worries, or our little victories. He is always ready to keep going forward with us, knowing all our sins and weaknesses. He gives us the prime example of how we can be a better parent, and exercise patience with our offspring when we are really feeling the weight of life's modern problems.

Again, I heavily rely on the Blessed Mother, in the rosary, and in my green scapular prayers for all my kids and their boyfriends/girlfriend/husband/child. It is a mystery, but those prayers have kept us afloat and occasionally have shown wondrous fruit. My own life has taken on a certain stability, my foundation being the Lord Jesus and His Church; Mary, ever interceding for, and counseling us. There is a rest, a confidence, and joy that knowing we need not fear the next Modern innovation that may come upon us, Because He hasn't been surprised yet, nor confounded. There really isn't anything new under the sun.




Now- here we are on Christmas--

well, this was a few days before. Melissa was at the eye doctor--her eyes were so dilated we felt it should be recorded.

Ben and Rachael's school concert.

 a few nice surprises :)

             

Hope everyone had a blessed Christmas Day! don't forget ~ it is still Christmas!