a mother's January first

Another January first! My fiftieth one on this earth.I will not have my fiftieth birthday until July, but I have been here for fifty January firsts. It's an interesting place to be.

                                                                                                                                                                  I don't feel old, I still think in terms of what I am going to be when I grow up. On one hand, I have lots and lots of things I want to do, and on another, I am already sad when the house is too empty. I kind of wander around and call whatever kid I think is available to talk. Usually Meghann; she is kind enough to just tell me about the minutia of her day (with great panache), and help me feel connected to her and her sweet little family in a way that staves off the awful emptiness with which my season of life is threatening me.

But it's not empty nest time yet~only sort of a transitional period. One day there will be roughly seventeen people in the house, the next, everybody has somewhere to go. Weird.

Two of the girls are applying for college, but until we know where they end up, we won't know if they will live home or at school. But that time will be another chapter in the growing pains of our family. (mostly mine). As much as I can think of things I would like to tackle, or take up again, my role as a mother is such a large part of who I am, that I am going to have to really work at having that kind of mothering, the every day kind, drop into the background. Of course I am hoping that there will be other grandchildren to love and help out with, as much as I am able.  Poor Kaden will only be able to withstand so much Nonnie-doting.

I am beginning a book called Unbound, by Neal Lozano, as prescribed by my spiritual director. I have read a few chapters so far. I think I see some work on the horizon. Please pray for me!
I also am attempting to tackle a few neglected areas, such as the dentist (~shiver~) and a physical that I know is going to lead to other "routine " tests for a woman of a certain age. :P :P :P Anyone who knows me will know that I am only doing these things out of a sense of duty to try and stay healthy for my family. I will take anybody else to the doctor or dentist...but I try to steer clear myself.

Thankfully, at this moment, there are five kids sprawled around the living room watching a movie, and the dinner table tonight was full, for our traditional New Year's kielbasa and sauerkraut. So, if anything, I will be shouting down the steps for quiet, and to ask if anybody locked the door, and not to forget to turn off the lights. whew!