Holy Week is upon us, Lent has been a bear, and, a baby.

I trust you have been having a blessed and holy Lent. I seem to remember last year as not needing a lot of additional disciplines, as they came pre-packaged. Well, this year was no different. Maybe it was just God's way of consolidating all my spiritual growth into one Lenten package, all tied up with a pretty purple bow.

I will not share all the ins and outs.  Suffice it to say the challenges have been coming fast and furious. Kind of like a treadmill that makes you keep running or you'll go flying. But don't let me give you the impression it's been all bad; far from it!  I've had many many lovely blessings. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson came from Michigan for a visit; the occasion being another daughter's baby shower.

Annnnnnd, the amazing, sweet, adorable, yet natural, outcome of that-------drum roll----

                                                                         Ta Da!

                                      Clementine Willow Corrine, born March 4, 6 lbs. 15 oz.



Of course we are all completely smitten.



Yet, all of life continues, much as we wish it would just pause long enough for us to sit and rock her seventeen hours a day.


Back to Lent.

I came across the book, Abandonment to Divine Providence, by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, while re-reading The Way of Serenity, by Father Jonathan Morris. He referenced it somewhere along the way, and I became curious and went and found it.

It has become truly a book full of Things I Needed To Hear Right Now. Ironically, following with the book's theme, God brought it along when I needed it most. The idea that God is present in every moment, and our job is to be abandoned to his will, trusting that He has got our life handled in a way we never could, is not a new one, in fact I am sure one could quote scripture to say the same thing. But de Caussade does sort of a Francis de Sales with the language and examples he uses, making the whole idea of the Christian life absurdly simple, and still highly profound.

The simple part I really need right now. Haha.  Just remembering to look to God in every circumstance, instantly changes the entire baseline reality of that moment.

When I am driving to work in the morning on the expressway (total misnomer. there is nothing express about it), I like to start with a Rosary. It helps quiet down my racing mind and focus on hearing Jesus. One day while praying the sorrowful mysteries, I got to "Jesus carries His Cross" and remembered how he allowed Simon to help him. I mean, Simon didn't even want to. He had to be forced! But also, Jesus chose to stay within the limits of his beaten, torn, human body. Nothing was done to Him on Good Friday that He didn't allow. And he wanted a reluctant human person to help him on His darkest day. When I, in my human limitations, am having a dark day, do I allow people to help me? Do I turn to Jesus and ask his help? Conversely, Jesus wants our help. He wants  us to pray for one another. He wants us to just talk to Him, to get to know Him for who he really is.

I was able to ponder all that because I made myself available to listen and pay attention.

It's kind of a limitless possibility idea, and I like it. It gives us the chance to tap into God as He is in every moment, and get to know Him as the living Father that he truly is.

Since I am experiencing challenges, I now  have daily, even hourly conversations with God that offer opportunities to see all my situations through His eyes. He reminds me that my freaking out accomplishes nothing, and I can remain serene and docile to His work in my life, knowing He has it all handled.

My prayer is that you can experience God in your daily life, abandoning yourself to Him and knowing His peace.

Have a blessed Holy Week~

Kelly

The School of the Holy Spirit

picture source: http://www.myshutterspace.com/photo/photo/show?id=1177697%3APhoto%3A167517

For God, each person is absolutely unique. Holiness is not the realization of a given model of perfection that is identical for everyone. It is the emergence of an absolutely unique reality that God alone knows, and that he alone brings to fruition. No individual knows what his own holiness consists of. Holiness is only revealed to us by degrees, as we journey on, and it is often something very different from what we imagine, so much so that the greatest obstacle on the path to holiness may be to cling too closely to the image we have of our own perfection.
— In the School of the Holy Spirit, p.18 Fr.Jacques Philippe


This is kind of a relief to hear. It is difficult not to always look upon our life in the light of comparison. To other people, the saints, Jesus Himself (WWJD?), and even our own ideas of ourselves and how holiness should look on us. I wonder how many times I have totally missed the helping hand God offered, because I was toiling away at something I thought I needed to do, sweat on my brow and trembling with effort. If I just was listening for Him, for all I know He was right there, saying, hey! Here I am! I want to give you some grace! Yoo hoo! But because I had my head down, singularly focused on my own efforts, I missed Him.



Moreover, one small act of obedience to God can sometimes cause us to make more progress spiritually than years of effort according to our own plans. Fidelity to small graces draws down bigger ones.
—In the School of the Holy Spirit, p.59


When I read this, I think of something that happened to me about 26 years ago. It is something I can look back on and practically see the big ole hand of God coming down, Monty Python-like, in a certain moment of my life.

I was living in a very sparse apartment in Manayunk (a section of Philadelphia), next to a pizza shop. (*note-If you like rodents busting into your house whenever they feel like it, some the size of cats, live next to a pizza shop in the city). Anyway, it was just me and my four year old daughter. We were really quite poor. In lieu of a table, I put up an ironing board to set things on. We ate a lot of beans and bread. Before you feel too sorry, know that I brought much of it on by my own foolishness. But there we were. I had been singing at night, mostly at hotel lounges, but was starting to suspect it wasn't something God wanted of me. So, I quit. I also suspected that becoming a welfare mom was not something God wanted of me. (No offense to anyone receiving welfare, I have gotten plenty of help over the years). But it did beg the question; now what? I realized I had not actually asked Him that exact question. I thought perhaps now would be a good time to do so. Here is how it went.

Me: God, why do I keep getting involved in these bad situations with men that are not good for me?

God: Because you don't ask for My help, input or even My opinion.

Me: (after recovering from the mild heart attack at having my question answered)
So, um, now what? I'm kind of in a bind here. No job, no money, not much food. How do we get on the road to something better?

God: silence

Me. Uh oh, I knew I was pushing my luck with that multiple question, question. Oh well. I guess I'll put on the radio.

On comes a show I liked on Christian radio, called "Curious about Christ", it was a minister and his wife, and they spoke about all things Christian, but in a warm and friendly way. During the show, a commercial played for Merry Maids, and gave a number to call for employment---a little light bulb came on-and I thought, mayyybe I should call...so I did. Who answered the phone, but the same minister from the radio show. Whoa.

Now this was the beginning of a string of things that happened in the space of about two weeks. One things was that 1. I did get the job; 2. there was a daycare right around the corner from it that was a Montessouri school, and who had a sliding payment scale based on your salary; 3. There was going to be a period of about two weeks before it all got started, (I forget why now) and was wondering how we were going to eat. One day, I was out somewhere, and got home to find a couple of bags in the entryway, full of food, and even a Candyland game for Meghann and I to play while we waited for our Better Life to start. Turns out a friend from a church I attended just felt that she should do this. hmmm.

You know of course I took many many wrong turns in life even after that, but I always remembered that exact moment when I chose to let God in, so He could straighten up the mess I was making.

Father Corapi has a way of saying this that I always appreciate. Loosely quoted, it went something like, If you need something, ask for it! Say you are afraid to go to confession; ask for the grace to not be afraid. Say you have a certain sin with which you struggle. Ask for the grace to stop. And if necessary, ask for the grace to WANT to stop. Just keep backing up until you get to the point where you are. That's where God can be found, anyway. Right at that place.


I was overwhelmed in a situation that I couldn't see my way out of. God reached in and led me through in steps. If I had know just how many steps lay ahead, and how difficult some of them would be, I may have faltered. He is faithful, though, if we just keep asking.