Father Corapi Update

Go here to read about it!

The School of the Holy Spirit

picture source: http://www.myshutterspace.com/photo/photo/show?id=1177697%3APhoto%3A167517

For God, each person is absolutely unique. Holiness is not the realization of a given model of perfection that is identical for everyone. It is the emergence of an absolutely unique reality that God alone knows, and that he alone brings to fruition. No individual knows what his own holiness consists of. Holiness is only revealed to us by degrees, as we journey on, and it is often something very different from what we imagine, so much so that the greatest obstacle on the path to holiness may be to cling too closely to the image we have of our own perfection.
— In the School of the Holy Spirit, p.18 Fr.Jacques Philippe


This is kind of a relief to hear. It is difficult not to always look upon our life in the light of comparison. To other people, the saints, Jesus Himself (WWJD?), and even our own ideas of ourselves and how holiness should look on us. I wonder how many times I have totally missed the helping hand God offered, because I was toiling away at something I thought I needed to do, sweat on my brow and trembling with effort. If I just was listening for Him, for all I know He was right there, saying, hey! Here I am! I want to give you some grace! Yoo hoo! But because I had my head down, singularly focused on my own efforts, I missed Him.



Moreover, one small act of obedience to God can sometimes cause us to make more progress spiritually than years of effort according to our own plans. Fidelity to small graces draws down bigger ones.
—In the School of the Holy Spirit, p.59


When I read this, I think of something that happened to me about 26 years ago. It is something I can look back on and practically see the big ole hand of God coming down, Monty Python-like, in a certain moment of my life.

I was living in a very sparse apartment in Manayunk (a section of Philadelphia), next to a pizza shop. (*note-If you like rodents busting into your house whenever they feel like it, some the size of cats, live next to a pizza shop in the city). Anyway, it was just me and my four year old daughter. We were really quite poor. In lieu of a table, I put up an ironing board to set things on. We ate a lot of beans and bread. Before you feel too sorry, know that I brought much of it on by my own foolishness. But there we were. I had been singing at night, mostly at hotel lounges, but was starting to suspect it wasn't something God wanted of me. So, I quit. I also suspected that becoming a welfare mom was not something God wanted of me. (No offense to anyone receiving welfare, I have gotten plenty of help over the years). But it did beg the question; now what? I realized I had not actually asked Him that exact question. I thought perhaps now would be a good time to do so. Here is how it went.

Me: God, why do I keep getting involved in these bad situations with men that are not good for me?

God: Because you don't ask for My help, input or even My opinion.

Me: (after recovering from the mild heart attack at having my question answered)
So, um, now what? I'm kind of in a bind here. No job, no money, not much food. How do we get on the road to something better?

God: silence

Me. Uh oh, I knew I was pushing my luck with that multiple question, question. Oh well. I guess I'll put on the radio.

On comes a show I liked on Christian radio, called "Curious about Christ", it was a minister and his wife, and they spoke about all things Christian, but in a warm and friendly way. During the show, a commercial played for Merry Maids, and gave a number to call for employment---a little light bulb came on-and I thought, mayyybe I should call...so I did. Who answered the phone, but the same minister from the radio show. Whoa.

Now this was the beginning of a string of things that happened in the space of about two weeks. One things was that 1. I did get the job; 2. there was a daycare right around the corner from it that was a Montessouri school, and who had a sliding payment scale based on your salary; 3. There was going to be a period of about two weeks before it all got started, (I forget why now) and was wondering how we were going to eat. One day, I was out somewhere, and got home to find a couple of bags in the entryway, full of food, and even a Candyland game for Meghann and I to play while we waited for our Better Life to start. Turns out a friend from a church I attended just felt that she should do this. hmmm.

You know of course I took many many wrong turns in life even after that, but I always remembered that exact moment when I chose to let God in, so He could straighten up the mess I was making.

Father Corapi has a way of saying this that I always appreciate. Loosely quoted, it went something like, If you need something, ask for it! Say you are afraid to go to confession; ask for the grace to not be afraid. Say you have a certain sin with which you struggle. Ask for the grace to stop. And if necessary, ask for the grace to WANT to stop. Just keep backing up until you get to the point where you are. That's where God can be found, anyway. Right at that place.


I was overwhelmed in a situation that I couldn't see my way out of. God reached in and led me through in steps. If I had know just how many steps lay ahead, and how difficult some of them would be, I may have faltered. He is faithful, though, if we just keep asking.

Come Holy Spirit

98 degrees of perspiration

  picture source: http://picture-book.com/taxonomy/term/486


Today the weather is going to be a wee bit warm. (cough!)  It makes me so thankful to be able to have air conditioning in our home. I feel for the folks down south, who are enduring heat waves, terrible storms, flooding, you name it. My heart and prayers go out to them.

I recently mentioned in a comment to one of my blog friends how I have had to limit my TV watching, after noticing how my stress level was greatly reduced during Lent, at which time we didn't put the box on all that much. Now as we are kind of back to watching again, I am still finding that not watching too much news is helpful. I hear it, but just enough to get the gist. It can be distressing and overwhelming. I figure, I can pray whether I know all the gory details, and preserve some peace, however little it may be. Even the weather channel can be too much!

But it does give some perspective for thankfulness. Paradoxically, the hotter the day, the more likely I am to feel chilly, as I more often can sequester myself to the house/car/store/church; all places with a/c blasting away.

Somehow the heat doesn't feel as bad when you know you can escape from it. There were many days when I couldn't. Many days, we lived in a walk up apartment with small children and babies. We figured out ways to cool off, but it was draining. This summer reminds me of the summer of 1991, when I was pregnant with Melissa. That year, we had a scorching summer, it started in early June. If you have even been pregnant, especially in summer, you know that your internal temp. can feel really high. Yes, I guess carrying around a human being encased in water is naturally a warmish affair. Cooling off is a task. I ate a lot of ice and took many showers. She was born smack in the middle of August. I then began the pattern of having a baby every other summer for the next four years. I suppose that means I reached pro status.

Rachael was born in 1993, and we lived on a quaint, beautiful little farm. Also an hour removed from the hospital, so, Rachael thought about being born in the car. Ben was born in 1995. We then lived in the same quaint little area, but in a not-at-all quaint trailer. It did have four bedrooms, one was actually a built on room, in which we installed an air conditioner. Ben was born mid-July, on my mother's birthday. It was during a heat wave with temps around 100 degrees. Ben was also my largest baby, at ten pounds four ounces. (Those last four ounces! ouch!) Being my sixth child and born into an even more stressful time than we had previously  known, poverty-wise and crazy- bad- emotional- situation-brought-on -by-then-husband-wise, these factors helped me decide to have an epidural. I had five times under my belt without, but hey , I thought, lets treat myself!  Naturally,I fell into the three percent that have the dura of the spinal cord nicked by the needle, and
was "treated" to the lovely phenomenon known as the Spinal Headache. Headache Schmedache. This was not in that category. I was okay as long as I could lie flat, and of course, what mother of six with a two day old infant can't lie flat on her back all the time? My eldest was actually away, so that left Daniel, then about six, to watch over the others and help me as much as he could.  I remember he made me hot dogs in the microwave. He was sweet then and still is.
But I would eventually have to get up. And oh boy, I would have fireworks go off in my head. Or a nuclear bomb. You never saw anybody hop in and out of the bathroom so fast. Remember now, this was July...heat wave..100 degrees...mother with bombs going off in her head....now let's add....ta da! A tornado! Yup.

The next night while we all were asleep in the one air conditioned room, I awoke to a shaking of the door and window. I had to all but cattle prod my husband awake to go and see what was going on. When he opened the door, I could feel the wind whip through, and see the other windows in the _trailer_ (yes, folks, the old Trailer in a Tornado Scenario) vibrating. Thank God, it passed quickly, and our little tin hovel stayed on the ground. But there was no power, and the heat did not break, storm or not. Here we were, in a super heated tin house, mom can't stand up, dad went to get gas, and drove around for hours trying to find some...ah! what fun. It was friends of ours,the Oylers, that came to the rescue. Took our entire family into their home, (their air conditioned home), fed us and treated us like royalty. Took all the kids to vacation bible school each day, got me to the hospital, where I got the nick repaired, and then nursed me for a few days. During this time, another dear lady, Martha Lair, went to our hot, incredibly messy trailer, cleaned it all up and did the laundry. All that, friends, was a huge blessing from God. Besides the situational crisis, my life then was a string of crises, as we were living something of a nightmare of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. The help of these dear friends was the breath of God in a barren wasteland.

So yes, these days I feel as privileged as a queen; jaunting about in our new car, coming home to our cool house, being able to write for you on our computer, traveling to see my daughter and her family~ so many things I would not have dreamed of in those rough years. A husband who loves me and all the kids, though he is not their biological father. Who retired from bachelorhood to help us and provide for us. Who lives what is many days the thankless life of a stepdad.  So thank you, honey. If you are not experiencing a ton of reward for all your efforts now, surely they will await you in heaven.

And, (okay now I feel like I am accepting an Academy Award),  I would like to thank God. Really! He has seen me through all manner of things; my guardian angel (thank you too!) must be exhausted and begging for retirement. The Lord has endured years of neglect, being snubbed, ignored, shunned, as well as fumbling attempts of faith and service. He was there from the beginning, preserving me in spite of myself, allowing the evil, but protecting me from its complete mastery and devastation. He has kept me, and my children, and is working miracles in us to this day. I am not thankful enough. I think I won't really be, until the next life.  I hope for myself, and all my family, to see Him, and really know all He did for us. And I hope, as I song I used to sing says, "that all our work be praise".

a summer ramble

  The warm weather and approaching summer season always make me want to do certain things. Just like spring gives me the cleaning bug, summer still to me is about reading lots of books, preferably outside in the sun, and most preferably near a body of water. Right now, this amounts to sitting out on our back patio, roughly the size of a powder room, with the hose running over my feet. My flower bed and a few other potted flowers help the scenery out a bit, (the mint adding to a nice smell in the breeze), but really, my mind does most of the work in creating a little oasis. All it takes is; 1. the book and a towel or chair, 2. some nice smelling sun oil or lotion, 3. a cold drink, and of course, some water. I even enjoy smell of the water on the cement.

All of this takes me right to my backyard on Crescent Ave. It also reminds me of my mother, who, God rest her soul, had a routine she followed for summer that went something like this. 1. Always up by 7AM no matter what, washed, dressed, makeup on.  Mornings she would do housework, watch maybe a game show on tv, then mid morning, get her bathing suit on and go out to the pool. We got a 4 foot above ground pool when I was about seven years old. My mom was actually kind of afraid of water that was over her head or if she couldn't hold on to something, but loved water in general. We have a picture of her when she was somewhere in her 30's sitting on a raft in the ocean. The funny part of it, I was told, was that the water under her was about a foot deep.

Anyway, I associate my mother and those summer days with sun, water, and the smell of suntan lotion. We had a row of chairs down the side of the yard, and like you may have "your" chair in the living room, she sure did have hers out in the yard. A little side table for drinks and snacks. Definitely no umbrella! No sir. We were out there to get sun, not avoid it. Her skin turned a deep reddish brown every year. We have Native American ancestry, mixed in with the Irish and German from my dad's side. I get that color too, only not as dark as she. I would sit out too, with a book, or even float around the pool on a raft with said book. I only dropped them in once or twice in my Reading While Floating career.

When I got a little older, I took over the morning vacuuming  of the pool; balancing on the edge and walking around. Many days I would take an early swim. I eventually became a competitive swimmer, and still enjoy lap swimming whenever I can. (though the swimming I did in that pool was more like turning practice).

Funny, my parents never pushed me to get a summer job, though eventually I did, especially the summer before college. I still feel the need to slow the pace when the kids get out of school. We always frequent the library more and attempt to get to a pool whenever possible. The city pools are eh, so-so, but worth whatever unpleasantness if it gets us a swim.


It's nice to feel that connection to my mother and my growing up years, and I guess she instilled in me well the beauty of the summer outdoors. The fish part I think just developed. I also seem to need the quiet, the time alone, as much as the location and setting.

This, of course, is the ultimate in sun/book/chair therapy. Whenever it can be achieved, go for it.

But for now, this

plus this

 here

Is just fine.

As promised!

Here are some photos of Rachael and Michael at her senior prom. Because of a time constraint, I cant do much editing or captioning. But if you know me at all, you know I won't be able to resist a few.

here are a few from the hairdresser.

Rachael has very long, heavy hair. The process behind even the subtle look she wanted was pretty extensive, in an attempt to get it to hold up for as long as possible before falling out.

The hairdresser even had her come back later so the curls could stay pinned until the last minute. She is right at the end of our block, and when she saw us out taking pictures later, come running down to see the full effect. She told Rachael she was ready for the red carpet. Ironically, outside the venue for the prom, there was an actual red carpet, and a photographer taking shots as they arrived!

(my apologies to the lady in the back waiting for her color to develop...)

 Michael arrives and they commenced flower pinning and I got lots of shots, of which here are a few. Don't you love her hair? Wait till you see the whole dress...

Beautiful flowers! okay so I 'm captioning like crazy...so shoot me...

The dress! And Rachael's cute look.

Michael's sister and family came to take some pictures too.

 Their baby is adorable! Malaika didn't want to let her go.

on the way

...and most importantly, they had a good time.  

Oh my, my #5 is going to college. This must mean something about my age....not sure what....

prelude to a prom

  Tonight is my daughter Rachael's senior prom. She has been thinking about and planning this for months and months. Which means~ I have also been thinking about this for months and months. She wanted a dress she saw online, and granted , it is beautiful, but having ordered my own wedding dress online (for the same reasons, but there were...problems), I know the pitfalls of this approach. Mainly size. Apparently, online companies use some special tape measures to plot their sizes than the rest of the world. In which one inch is the equivalent of about three. We are at their mercy until the dress actually arrives. But, as my husband stated, she has worked really hard all through school, and been an excellent student, and we want to give her this thing that is very important to her. I'll spare you the gruesome details, cause there were a lot of them, and skip to the *final* (ahem) arrival of the dress that alllllmost fit perfectly.

   We all know that a Good Mom can cook, clean, do triage, change a tire, rewire electronics and sew. Most of these can be done while talking on the phone. Somehow, while assigning genes, God must have also gotten an important call, and accidentally knocked the sewing one on the floor while doing mine.

   When I realized Rachael's dress was going to need a few small alterations, the cold sweat began.  Last Sunday evening, I got out my little tattered heart shaped cardboard sewing box, measuring tape and glasses, turned on every light in the house, and got to work. The parts that needed a bit of taking in were, forgivingly, all black; and conversely, all black+black thread=hard to see. But believe it or not, I finished it all that night, and I think it doesn't look too bad.

    Of course, I will post the actual pictures after tonight. The days' preparations start about noon for a leaving time of seven o clock. What royal wedding? I do get to drive them, something I like doing, (then at eleven thirty, a teeny bit less glad), and I will do my best to get some good pictures. ( My photography gene is working at about eighty percent, so, better odds).