day out with my some of my best friends

 Today, Rachael, Malaika and I went to pick up Corrie from a friend's home in Southern Chester County, (where I lived from about 1990-1996 ish), and it being such a beautiful day, we stretched it out a bit and also went by our old house and then over to see Melissa's new apartment in West Chester. Ben was there already, visiting with her, and we all went to have pizza together, Adam very generously picking up the check. (Just to give all the props, Rachael paid for drinks and the car wash). All the kids are so generous that way.

Chester County, Pennsylvania has some truly beautiful and often historic, idyllic sights. It was great to breathe some fresh air, and visit with some lovely people. We also got to visit some lovely kitties! Ones that need homes. I fell in love with this little guy (I think, guy).

 yes, that is a tan shirt. please.

I  mean c'mon! Who could resist that face? But he is too young to leave his momma, so the point is moot for a minute.

I had the thought during this day, and many others, that I am so incredibly blessed to really enjoy the company of my kids. I know many parents don't. I know I didn't as a kid. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of love, and it was expressed in various ways, but there was not the kind of closeness that I enjoy with my own.

I attribute it to many things, the topmost being the grace of God. I have written about some of our struggles, and it has not been because of any moral fortitude on my part or any of ours, but that He reached in and brought, is bringing, us along our separate and intertwined journeys home to Him.

My own life, before and after my conversion, is markedly different, yet I am completely still Kelly, just with some of the sin and disorder sorted out. Our lives from 2002 took an uphill turn, of course not straight uphill. But not many people can withstand a straight uphill climb anyways. We need the twists, turns and switchbacks, along with the rest stops to get used to the altitude.

I also have to recognize the blessings that came with our difficulties. The poverty made us thankful for what we have now.  The emotional morasses we plowed/are plowing through made us humble and empathetic to others.

 I remarked to Rachael how I have lost friends for 1. the turbulent years, or 2. from recovering from the turbulent years. Some didn't like that it happened at all, and some liked me better broken, I guess. But the kids have been through it all with me and had front row seating. Perspective is everything.

I have also come to see, to the degree I am able, that parenting is a process. (duh, right?) That to take a snapshot on any given day and react to just that snapshot, causes stress and sometimes, division, within a family. To remember my own long and arduous process of growing up helps a lot, seeing how God led and  protected me. I am not saying we don't parent our children at all, just that it is unhelpful to demand the end product be realized in a day. 

Anyways! All that. And then this.

                                                                                                   * mountain pass photo credit:                                                                http://ontoplanbthen.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/road.jpg    

My baby is 13

Saying Happy Birthday, big- brother style.

These were at the apple -slingshots.

<<<<   see the yellow apple flying?

 Face painting. Rachael walking by in the background.









some
impressive
face
painters!

 

On a hayride

Melissa :)

Malaika, looking fierce!

Some nice memories of  nice day!

the battefront of the mind

This week has been a bit rough at my house. We are not yet settled into the kids school days routines, my own online school starts Monday. My daughter Corrie had another seizure at work, and my daughter Melissa is suffering. Her fiance suddenly called it quits, with no warning and apparently, little or no remorse. She is a college student, just getting settled in herself,or trying to. She has fought and overcome so much in her life already. One of my prayers for her is that God blesses her richly someday with a husband that loves her for exactly who she is.




Also, I have had some light bulb moments get past the noise in my brain. God is so impressive. When He wants to tell me something, He makes sure I get it. So much better than Fed Ex. But they're not bad.

Last evening, I drove out to pick up Melissa at her school. Her father also went to school there, and, at the time I met him, still lived near the campus. Whenever I would drive there, I remembered the directions by saying the name of the streets, in the order I took them. Yesterday, driving that route again, I saw them go by, and said to myself the names, the way I used to---High---Price.
Lesson learned.

Also, several days ago, while commenting on a friend's blog, I was telling about the time I was hospitalized for a  four month long headache. While writing, another one of those little lights popped on. Ah, the lessons taught by my friend, Hindsight.

During that time, I was; 1.a new convert; 2.In the process of extricating myself from yet another bad relationship; 3. Meeting resistance from said relationship-ee, resulting in being harassed and stalked at every turn; and 4; scraping to make a living for the three kids under my roof at the time, two in schools that required tuition. I will spare you the gory details. Cause they are. Gory.

The headache varied in intensity, but never went away. It was affecting my ability to work. After many doctor appointments, tests, and trials of medications, I saw the main doc of the headache clinic at Jefferson Hospital, a Russian woman, (and quite fabulous). She said I was suffering from a headache "cycle." That, basically, I was having the headache because I had the headache for so long. And that what I needed was to go into the hospital for three days, where I would be administered a cocktail of IV drugs that would "break the cycle." Again, I'll spare you the ins and outs, except to say that it didn't work right away, but within a few days, I felt a lot better, and though I did and do get headaches, it has never gotten that bad again. That is the human part of the story.

Here are my impressions of the supernatural part.

I was mired in a way of thinking for most of my adult life up to that point, and it was holding me back from being able to mature in my faith. The internal script-loop went something like this:

"I am tired and sad." (this was my depression mantra, not surprising, right?)

"I am not allowed to be happy."

" I got myself into this situation (enter the bad situation of the day here), so I am stuck with it."

"I need to stay with my current choice of a man and prove to God and the world I can have a stable relationship and life." (never mind the fact that God gave me plenty of warning about how I made my choices, and let me know He was never invited to that particular party. Oh, I thought I had asked Him, but it was the kind of asking your kid does when they're already halfway out the door, coat on, friends waiting outside, "It's okay if I go out, right?" _not that my kids ever do that_)
* (I must qualify a teeny bit here and say I am not advocating everyone to abandon their marriages. All but one of the relationships I am referring to here were not the married kind. And the one that was, was 1.invalid, and 2. abusive)

There were other premises I worked around, but that gives you the idea. My point is, all that talk was occurring in my mind. In my head. My head was the battlefield .My thoughts were being held hostage, and God, seeing as how I converted and all, now had His proverbial foot in the door. So He went to work. It was kind of a labor and birth. The headache part was the pushing. (Gar, those poor newborns!) I think God was saying, "okay, I am intervening here, and taking back the territory of your mind (and heart) so you can finally move past this destructive pattern. And to top it all off, I am going to bring your future husband into the picture. Cause, girl, you can't do it yourself!" And He did. Somehow, once I addressed the headaches, the bad life-stuff started to unravel and get worked out. I still had plenty of work to do, but the results were starting to show.
*(another note. If you have not read the part of my conversion story in which I explain the power of the Eucharistic Lord,you can find it--here. Wow, I refer to that post a lot.)

Do I ever still think wrongly? Yes. But the difference is, I see it quicker that I used to, because it seems so out of place now. Do I still need lots and lots of work? Yes. Lots. But Praise God, it doesn't seem to involve headaches.But please do pray for my dear friend Joyce over at The Little Way. She suffers with monstrous ones.

Blessings and Peace

Kelly