the 3 quickest takes ever

Because I should be doing something else.




1. My absence from blogging was mainly because of a mini health crisis. I had symptoms x,y and z, which pointed potentially to roughly 137 ailments, some of which were serious. So I had several tests, a couple that were unpleasant. I came away with a few thoughts.

           a. Increased respect and a small understanding for those that go through this stuff much more than I do, and who don't always get good news or good outcomes. It's a whole other world, that of sickness and pain. It opens wider the eyes of faith, and so many of the things I spend time and energy worrying about become kind of ridiculous.
       
           b. Just how much our bodies are linked with our emotions. When you carry stress around like a backpack full of bricks, eventually, you'll notice the weight. Or, say, if you keep ingesting something that you know is bad for you and tell yourself it is gone now because it's out of sight, guess what? It's going to come out somewhere, somehow, whether you want it to or not! The same with stress. You can only take in and harbor so much, until it starts exiting your body, whether it be in headaches, stomach ailments, anxiety attacks, you name it.

         c. Along with the stressful uncertainly about what might be percolating in my abdomen, there was a lovely peace and assurance that whatever the outcome, I had the support of my family and my Lord. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, which also increased my appreciation of everyone and everything around me. My garden, the birds singing in the mornings, the ability to get comfortable when I lay down at night. Good stuff.


        d. The long and short of it is that 1. All the tests ruled out the scary stuff.
                                                      and  2. Still have some of the symptoms, but am taking a break to forget about it all for a while. My own gut, pardon the pun, tells me it is probably along the lines of IBS (yay, another difficult to nail down thing) and was exacerbated by stress. Workin on that part.

2. Happy and proud to be an American. Just thought I would throw that out there. Hoping the future generations come to appreciate all that we have and what it means to be free.

3. The Duggar debacle. I have read so very many posts excoriating them and of course Christians in general for "causing" what happened with their son and the girls. Sigh. So many people in the "I would never" club. Listen. There is NO sin out of bounds for anyone. It is only God's grace that keeps us at every moment. Now, because I say that, am I defending anyone or anything they did? Because that's where it always jumps. NO. All I am saying is, unless you are actually inside their shoes, you don't know why-- anything. Their being Christian, conservative, in TV, whatever. I don't know their motives. All I can do is pray for them. So, please, jump down off your bandwagon in case it goes into a ditch.

That's all I have time for today. Hope to be back again before my summer road trip!

Peace, 

Kelly

so, how YOU doin' ?

I hope you all are having a fruitful, holy and joyful Lent! Doin' okay over here.

I want to share a few small excerpts from my readings. Here is one from Roses Among Thorns:

Jesus in Our Heart

"How happy you will be if while you are in the world you keep Jesus in your heart! Remember the principal lesson he left to us, and in only a few short words, so that we would be able to remember it:  "Learn of me, for I am meek, and humble of heart"(Matt. 11:29, Douay-Rheims). It is everything to have a heart that is meek toward our neighbor and humble toward God. At every moment give such a heart to our Savior, and let it be the heart of your heart, You will see that to the extent that this holy and considerate friend takes up a place in your mind, the world with its vanities and trifles will leave you."

As my friend Caroline mentioned, I also just love the practicality of dear St Francis De Sales. Frankly, it s refreshing to have someone say, JUST DO THIS! So many times, we hear, "well, I can't tell you what to do.." Haha.




Another book I am reading is The Way of Serenity, Finding Peace and Happiness in the Serenity Prayer, by Father Jonathan Morris. You may have seen him on EWTN or Fox News. In the book, he takes apart the Serenity Prayer; you know:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is most associated with twelve-step programs. If you are a reader here much, you may remember I attend Nar Anon. So, I am familiar with the prayer, and was attracted to the book's title, and somewhat also by the author, having heard him on TV and Sirius Radio's Catholic Channel. He is candid about some of the struggles in the life of his family that initially caught my ear. 

Here are a few passages I have highlighted:

"The serenity to accept the things we cannot change must involve the ability to be patient with those things and decide they will not alter our state of mind and heart."

*(My observation-Notice how well this goes with the above passage of De Sales). 

"Given the fact that we cannot avoid all trouble in life, we have a choice to make regarding how we will deal with what comes our way. We can live in bitterness and sorrow, either from the real and present woes that afflict us or from the fear that trouble could be just around the corner. Or we can choose to live in peace despite our real trials and tribulations and in the confidence that nothing can befall us that we cannot handle with God's grace."

and

"Although we have sinned and chosen to do things our own way, God makes a promise to us that out of every instance of suffering and sin in this world, he will bring out of it a good even greater than the good that has been lost and that now we mourn. We see the fulfillment of this promise most perfectly in the person of Jesus Christ who gave up his life so that we might live with him forever in eternity, where every tear will be wiped away."

Did you see that? A good even greater? Hard to wrap our minds around, especially since we are not able to look into time in such a way as to see what may have happened in the past had different choices been made. We CAN however, look into our own past at certain choices, then follow them forward, and see where God really did bring immense good out of what seemed at the time to be extremely sorrowful, even hopeless.

So, on that note! 

I was awakened last night by some knucklehead who rang my phone at precisely 3AM. Not recognizing the number, I let it go to voicemail, when said knucklehead must have realized he or she dialed wrongly. But  then I was awake. (big sigh). Sometimes when awakened, I just cannot get back to sleep. This was one of those times. I remembered that the Divine Mercy Prayer is traditionally prayed at 3:00 PM, the hour when Jesus died, also called the "hour of mercy." I know 3AM is NOT the hour Jesus died, and is thought by some to be the hour that those who hate Jesus use as their "holy hour." I decided, in reclamation of that time, and for the souls of all who are undergoing persecution and slaughter around the world, to pray as much of the Divine Mercy prayer as I could until falling asleep as I could. So, a grace there. 

Happy Lent-ing, everyone! 

winter scene photo source:http://www.naportals.com/winter-scenes-hd-wallpapers.html

7 Quick Takes; the portal edition

  

1.

O gates, lift high your heads; 

grow higher, ancient doors.

 Let him enter, the king of glory!

from Psalm 24

2. 

Go within his gates, giving thanks.
Enter his courts with songs of praise.
Give thanks to him and bless his name.-from Psalm 100-

3.
The glory of these forty days
We celebrate with songs of praise;
For Christ, by whom all things were made,
Himself has fasted and has prayed.

Alone and fasting Moses saw
The loving God who gave the law;
And to Elijah, fasting, came
The steeds and chariots of flame.

So Daniel trained his mystic sight,
Deliver'd from the lions' might;
And John the Bridegroom's friend, became
The herald of Messiah's name.

Then grant us, Lord, like them to do
Such things as bring great praise to you;
Our spirits strengthen with your grace
And give us joy to see your face.

O Father, Son, and Spirit blest,
To you be every prayer addressed
And by all mankind be adored,
From age to age, the only Lord.

Text: Latin , sixth century
Translation: Maurice F Bell 1906

4.

He has strengthened the bars of your gates, 

he has blessed the children within you.

He established peace on your borders,

he feeds you with finest wheat.

-from Psalm 147-

5. So, numbers one through four were taken from today's morning prayers, called Lauds. They are from the Salesian tradition. I thought, since I am reading De Sales, it would all kind of go together.

The doors, gates, portal-like theme kind of jumped out at me, though it is by no means a dominant theme in the whole of the prayers. But I did find it to be very Lent appropriate. You know, like the "turning a page" saying, also we can, "go through" to a new way, a new and different season, which indeed we will.

6. The hymn, the Glory of These Forty Days, struck me especially as I read it instead of singing. The words had different meaning somehow, the way they brought me through time, all the way from Moses forward. I have to admit, while reciting the words, William Shatner leapt to mind, and I had to work to banish him.

7. I hope the grace and mercies that float around in the air (or seem to) during this season are touching you. 

The next stanza of Psalm 147 talks about sending down snow and scattering hoar-frost. Which, if you are anywhere in the Northeast or Midwest United States, you can relate to, but probably would rather not. 

So, I pray any floating graces and mercies are of the warm variety.

Peace-

Kelly

giving Him our time and relinquishing control

I have written about my conversion to Catholicism before. I am very aware of my perspective as a convert, and sometimes I feel the need to share some thoughts on being that ex-prot/non-denom/evangelical. Now is one of those times.

I may have mentioned that just being raised non-Catholic, I was taught either directly or indirectly, negative things about Catholics. Whether it was my mother, who went to Catholic school ( I don't really know if she also was baptized or raised Catholic) talked about having to switch her writing hand from left to right, or make remarks about the Catholic families on our street; or if it was other things said by bitter lapsed Catholics I have known, I managed to unconsciously collect some misinformation along the way. All the usuals; statues being false gods, "working their way into heaven", the "worship"of Mary. and of course, the old, "they are followers of man made rules instead of followers of Jesus" thing. I did notice that most who would say that last one had found themselves on the wrong side of one of those rules and were unwilling to consider the Church's remedy. But anyways.
 The few Church rules or teachings I have been thinking about recently are, the Sunday Mass obligation and the Rosary.

Sunday Mass.

 Some have wondered why this is required and is a mortal sin if missed  *unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. " (~from the Catechism)

 What makes sense to me about this, is that God knows our human weakness and tendency to be lazy. He knows how important it is for us to be in His presence, how much we need to be taught His Word and fed by His body and blood. How much grace we receive for our daily lives just by being at Holy Mass at least once a week.

It has been purposely made easy for us. There are multiple masses at any Catholic church in the world, offered beginning on Saturday evening going until Sunday evening. Most will only spend less than an hour at church. We have enjoyed, while traveling, masses in different places. It always amazes me, the true universality of the mass, and the brotherhood of Catholics.

So, the Church requires that we give God at least this small sacrifice of our time. That we prioritize and set aside some time for Him each week. He loves us, died for us, redeemed us, and we owe Him this act of love and respect in return. In short, He asks for some of our TIME. Time spent on on Him now that deposits His grace to live in a way that we might spend all time and eternity in heaven.

As much sense as this makes to me, I also realize that the gift of faith plays a part. the gift of gaining a perspective other than my own. Or at least be willing to do so. To not have to have all things be my way or bend to my own will. To be obedient, humble, docile to the Lord. Or at least, be willing to be made so.



The Rosary.

It is not required that we pray the Rosary. It is an optional practice.

 I have heard it compared to the "meaningless repetition" referenced in Matthew 6:7. Critics often state that it is not heartfelt nor original to the individual, therefore, less authentic.

My criticism of the criticism is this:

1. The words of the rosary are taken from the Gospels. Unless you are ready to put the words of the Gospels in the "meaningless"category, I suggest further consideration.

2. Repetition. Yes, we do repeat the prayers. While doing so, we meditate on the Mysteries, which are all about the life of Jesus. By doing this we are doing two things, spending some TIME in prayer, and going beyond our own thoughts. Gaining a perspective that is not our own. Generally, five decades of the Rosary takes about 15 minutes. So, I give to God this fifteen minutes talking to His Mother, asking for her intercession.
 If left to myself,  a few minutes in prayer and I would be distracted, my focus on Jesus difficult to maintain. The wisdom of the Church in offering a fifteen minute prayer, gives a us a framework to spend this time with God. Jesus, on His part, longs for us and we have this beautiful opportunity to give Him fifteen minutes in which He has our focus. Again, TIME.

 I once heard someone say that praying the Rosary daily changed his life. I took that as a challenge. Now, I can't tell you how many times I have arrived at the end of a Rosary with some clear thought or direction, or some peace about a problem. I have not achieved perfection in the daily praying, but I never stop working towards it.

3. Being original is not all it's cracked up to be, and almost 100% of the time, what we think is original to us, is not. Check in with Ecclesiastes sometime.
I once wrote about this idea here. Just so I am consistent! (tongue is in cheek).

4. As far as being heartfelt, that is something that can wax and wane. Some days, a person can approach prayer with true passion and emotion, and others, not so much. The beauty of praying the Rosary, indeed, taking the TIME to do so, is that we offer ourselves in prayer whether or not we feel like it. If we allowed our feelings to dictate when and how we prayed, I fear prayer would become nothing more than a vent session with God.

5. Vent sessions with God are also fine. And needed. And if I can speak for God, welcome. Spontaneous prayer, ie;, just talking to God all throughout the day is a wonderful thing. Precious. Indispensable. I know this because God is a father, and as a parent, I know that we want to hear the heartfelt thoughts of our children. Their fears, hopes, requests. everything.

But, I submit to you, that praying the Rosary, and any of the prayers offered by the Church, (such as the Divine Mercy Chaplet), help to put us in a better frame of mind, to gain that heavenly perspective outside ourselves, with which to approach Him all the rest of the day.

So, I challenge you. Pray the Rosary and see your life change.

Also, consider giving Him some of your time. Make Mass a priority, Know that it will involve sacrifice, however small. See what comes of it. Trust God, and trust the wisdom of the Church.

the seasons of life

Being a woman of a certain age, and also a lover of the fall season, I was pondering the correlation between the two.

However you may break them up in your own mind, our lives do go through the same seasons as the earth. Beginning with Spring, our earliest growing and blooming; Summer, when we enjoy warmth and vigor, but don't give much thought to the future seasons. Fall, when colors blaze, temperatures cool and we can't deny the onset of Winter any longer;  and then Winter, with its bareness and cold, but also its singular beauty. Not surprising that it bears the title Old Man Winter.


I feel that I am very autumnal in my age and also my perspective. I haven't quite lost my color yet, but the signs are there. Some days, I am refreshed and energetic, and in some, I feel the oncoming aging. But mostly, I see the beauty that is everywhere. I feel comfortable with myself, as the cooling temperatures also are comfortable. Things I might have missed in the hurtling around of earlier times. The slowing that I must succumb to allows more time for reflection. I can see better the benefit and blessings of the trials and tribulations, and conversely, the  comparative emptiness of many of my youthful pursuits. I notice the slowing of my inner motor that pushes me to strive at things instead of accepting and appreciating where God has me today.


And yet, I still feel quite young in my heart, and I look forward to the days to come. I can just glimpse the oncoming horizon, and I am thankful I can prepare myself and still have time, God willing, to adjust to the idea that my Winter will arrive. I pray that I can live every day, whether with physical vigor or not, to the full, and accept the place where God has me. I hope to continue growing until the last, and to experience His grace always.

Everything is grace

~ St. Theresa of Lisieux

Through half closed eyes

Yes, I am still here, and even mostly alive!

We were away for about a week in May; my husband played in the Chicago International Amateur Piano Competition! It was his first big competition experience and he did wonderfully.



During his performance, from my seat. Not the greatest picture.

Here is Kaden sitting nicely, looking at the gorgeous hall, and that arm next to him is Malaika. In a dress. That is how much she wanted to support Bob.

While out there, we got lots of glorious time with Meghann, Jeff and Kaden. They put us up for the whole week minus the two Chicago days. Where, as you can see, Kaden accompanied us. He wanted to go to A-cago too! And so he did.

Here are a few shots from Kalamazoo. This is the Bog Trail,pictured at the top also: a floating pathway through, well, a bog. But it was a beautiful day, as you can see here, where Malaika is starting out.

                  ----- here, you may see the trail sinking a little. There were places where it sunk a LOT. At one point the adults were knee-deep in cold, dark, bog water. Meghann might have done some screaming. I have pictures, but I would like to continue to be on speaking terms with her. Fairly hilarious.

 these are from the Sky Deck in downtown Kalamazoo. Fun evening, as you can see.

Now, back home, All the Things are needing to be attended to and the people cared for, and the issues dealt with.

 God is good, and I believe we are all in His hands, even when it doesn't look like it, or feel like it.. His grace is sufficient. I am finding if I just try to do my little part, (aka,  change the things I can and accept those I can't), I live less in the world of the overwhelmed.

 I have been able to get to some daily masses, my beloved Latin Mass, and do some very humble fasts for prayer intentions. I have gotten back to working out. Again, be it ever so meager. Hanging out my laundry, planting flowers and sitting out back with a book ( I have recently discovered Flannery O'Connor)---all of this has been so helpful. And of course, all of you who have kept us in prayer, thank you so very much.

It has just been a time of-- it seems like a hundred transitions-- all happening at once. I have resigned as chief plate-spinner, realizing it wasn't my job anyway, and now am content as cook and bottle washer. And general servant. This works out much better. Yeah, I still have little moments of what-if? terror. But then I offer those too, and go on. I accept the smaller moments of beauty and peace as the gifts from God they are.


And, from where comes my help:

From Sunday's mass:

Kalamazoo

Today, just today.

I am  making my way through a time of having to trust God hour by hour, day by day, for how to deal with a certain parenting situation. The kind all parents dread, and not many escape completely. 

His grace is all the more sweet in contrast with the darkness of the trial. I can choose each day to believe He is my very present help in trouble.

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Here is a song, in honor of Manny's Music Tuesdays. His is much more put together, while this is just me posting a song that I enjoy. Hope you do too! 

I have set aside Mondays to pray, fast, and do sacrifice for my kids. You are certainly invited to join me! It does not have to be on Monday, just any day that is best for you. Together we can lift up our kids. This is not an easy time in which to be growing up!

day out with my some of my best friends

 Today, Rachael, Malaika and I went to pick up Corrie from a friend's home in Southern Chester County, (where I lived from about 1990-1996 ish), and it being such a beautiful day, we stretched it out a bit and also went by our old house and then over to see Melissa's new apartment in West Chester. Ben was there already, visiting with her, and we all went to have pizza together, Adam very generously picking up the check. (Just to give all the props, Rachael paid for drinks and the car wash). All the kids are so generous that way.

Chester County, Pennsylvania has some truly beautiful and often historic, idyllic sights. It was great to breathe some fresh air, and visit with some lovely people. We also got to visit some lovely kitties! Ones that need homes. I fell in love with this little guy (I think, guy).

 yes, that is a tan shirt. please.

I  mean c'mon! Who could resist that face? But he is too young to leave his momma, so the point is moot for a minute.

I had the thought during this day, and many others, that I am so incredibly blessed to really enjoy the company of my kids. I know many parents don't. I know I didn't as a kid. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of love, and it was expressed in various ways, but there was not the kind of closeness that I enjoy with my own.

I attribute it to many things, the topmost being the grace of God. I have written about some of our struggles, and it has not been because of any moral fortitude on my part or any of ours, but that He reached in and brought, is bringing, us along our separate and intertwined journeys home to Him.

My own life, before and after my conversion, is markedly different, yet I am completely still Kelly, just with some of the sin and disorder sorted out. Our lives from 2002 took an uphill turn, of course not straight uphill. But not many people can withstand a straight uphill climb anyways. We need the twists, turns and switchbacks, along with the rest stops to get used to the altitude.

I also have to recognize the blessings that came with our difficulties. The poverty made us thankful for what we have now.  The emotional morasses we plowed/are plowing through made us humble and empathetic to others.

 I remarked to Rachael how I have lost friends for 1. the turbulent years, or 2. from recovering from the turbulent years. Some didn't like that it happened at all, and some liked me better broken, I guess. But the kids have been through it all with me and had front row seating. Perspective is everything.

I have also come to see, to the degree I am able, that parenting is a process. (duh, right?) That to take a snapshot on any given day and react to just that snapshot, causes stress and sometimes, division, within a family. To remember my own long and arduous process of growing up helps a lot, seeing how God led and  protected me. I am not saying we don't parent our children at all, just that it is unhelpful to demand the end product be realized in a day. 

Anyways! All that. And then this.

                                                                                                   * mountain pass photo credit:                                                                http://ontoplanbthen.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/road.jpg    

He is the one who always accepts you

In yesterday's daily reading in the Marion Consecration, 33 Days to Morning Glory, is Mother Teresa's letter to her Missionaries of Charity. She wrote it on March 25th, 1993, after hearing Pope John Paul II's Lenten message on Jesus' words, "I thirst."

An excerpt:

Jesus wants me to tell you again...how much love He has for each one of you--beyond all you can imagine. I worry some of you still have not really met Jesus -- one to one -- you and Jesus alone. We may spend time in chapel -- but have you seen with the eyes of your soul how He looks at you with love? Do you really know the living Jesus -- not from books but from being with Him in your heart? Have you heard the loving words He speaks to you? Ask for the grace, He is longing to give it. Until you can hear Jesus in the silence of your own heart, you will not be able to hear Him saying, "I thirst" in the hearts of the poor.  Never give up this daily intimate contact with Jesus as the real living person -- not just the idea. How can we last even one day without hearing Jesus say, "I love you"--impossible. Our soul needs that as much as the body needs to breathe air. If not, prayer is dead--meditation only thinking. Jesus wants you each to hear Him -- speaking in the silence of your heart. 

Be careful of all that can block that personal contact with the living Jesus. The Devil may try to use the hurts of life, and sometimes our own mistakes  -- to make you feel it is impossible that Jesus really loves you, is really cleaving to you. This is a danger for all of us. And so sad, because it is completely the opposite of what Jesus is really wanting, waiting to tell you. Not only that He loves you, but even more -- He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you.  He loves you always, even when you don't feel worthy. When not accepted by others, even by yourself sometimes -- He is the one who always accepts you. My children, you don't have to be different for Jesus to love you. Only believe -- you are precious to Him. Bring all you are suffering to His feet -- only open your heart to be loved by Him as you are. He will do the rest.

(emphases mine)

A Post a Day #3. Resistance to Change

So, in yesterday's post I mentioned the things I would like to change and improve during Lent. I know full well that when I make up my mind to make a change for the better, in any area, I will encounter resistance. Whether it is from within or without, from the material world or the spiritual, making changes to my body, my mind, or my spirit involves warfare against the comfortable inertia I am currently enjoying.

Which got me to remembering how I agree with Jen Fulweiler's statements about how one experiences resistance in the context of trying to lose weight.

18. If you’re approaching it the right way, trying to lose weight will involve major spiritual warfare — not because holiness has anything to do with a number on a scale, but because you’re attempting to free yourself from attachments that drag you down. We Christians call the force behind this phenomenon evil, Steven Pressfield calls it Resistance. Whatever label you want to use, know that it is real and it is going to try to stop you.

From her entire excellent post,The lazy nerd's guide to weight loss.


 So, if we accept that as a given, what do we do when we're in the thick of it? 

Here is some decidedly unprofessional advice from my own mind and experience. You're welcome.



1. Trust that what I am doing is a good thing. It doesn't have to be Nobel Prize Winning Good, just something that adds to yours or others' lives. Then when you go to do it, you don't have to keep revisiting it's "rightness." I like what Mother Angelica says:

“Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.”

“Unless you are willing to do the ridiculous, God will not do the miraculous. When you have God, you don’t have to know everything about it; you just do it.”

“Never put a lid on God. You can give God a thimble and ask for a quart. It won't work. Your plans, your projects, your dreams have to always be bigger than you, so God has room to operate. I want you to get good ideas, crazy ideas, extravagant ideas. Nothing is too much for The Lord to do - accent on 'The Lord'.”

2. Expect the roadblocks, deal with them and keep going.  

I wear the brown scapular. When I was struggling with consistency in my prayer life, I thought perhaps I should stop wearing it until I get back on track. A wise priest told me to just make some small prayer offering to Mary rather than stop wearing the scapular. 

 After all the evil one would like nothing more than to see me give up my devotion to the Blessed Mother, who crushes his head beneath her heel.

Don't give points to the wrong team. Don't give up.

3. Don't be surprised at the weakness of your own flesh. (Boy, this one rings true when I am working out).  But really, we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God. We ALL are sitting squarely in the

middle of our humanity and have to rely on grace for everything, most especially in our areas of struggle. We supply the willingness, effort and faith, and God grants us results. 

So, when I don't feel like doing my workout, I apply what I know about inertia, and just put my sneakers on, start the video and make the motions. Sometimes I get into it part way, as I get warmed up, and it gets easier. Not every time, but the results, ahh. The benefits help me in so many areas.

4. Don't be surprised at the way your old thought patterns try to drag you down. Especially if you have an inner critic, as I do. In these instances, you have to recognize the lies and tell yourself the truth. Example: I want to say a Rosary on a given day, but have a bunch of stuff I also need to do around the house. The Critic says, "Praying while doing tasks does not show proper reverence." If I listen to the Critic, guess what? I don't pray. So I tell myself the truth, that God would rather I pray. 

Be clear and honest with yourself.

 5.  Do expect grace. In my experience, any time we make a move toward God, whatever resistance we may encounter pales in comparison with the grace we receive. If we stay the course with our eyes on Him, He truly does pave the way and vanquish the foes, even if the foes come from our minds. 

So, I say this to myself and to you, go and be bold, be Catholic, let Him fill, energize and encourage you. 


 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14
 

just keep swimming.

I know the storm will eventually die down. I know I am in the palm of His hand, as are all my family members as I have asked Mary to keep us all there. I know nothing has befallen us except that which is common to man, so I am not alone in this particular trouble. I also know that in the midst of great suffering lies great grace.

So, my prayer for today is to apprehend that grace and put it to full use.


And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:4

At the Jesus Retreat, we heard a homily that explained how it is not guesswork when we have hope in Jesus, because He has proven Himself faithful already. Not like hoping for good weather or a winning lottery ticket. A good word for my present trouble.

I dearly want to resume blogging about topics other than my current struggles. I can't really spell it out online, as cathartic as it may be for me, it would be very anti-HIPPA. As well as not kind or proper for me to air details of someone else's difficulties.

So, on that note. Or this one,

                                                                                    

                                                               I leave you for now.

Peace, 

Kelly

In which I ruminate. A bit.

As a bit of a follow-up to yesterday's "Why-I'm-Not-Posting-post," I would like to add this tidbit:

If I was observing my life and my reaction to it with some objectivity, I would have to say that although I am having moments, hours, yes, even days of overwhelming anxiety, this state is not controlling me. I am somehow able to acknowledge these feelings and still carry on. Still laugh, clean the house, entertain, play Candy Crush, bake Christmas cookies, and shop. Definitely shop. But that's another story. Still, there are things I am having trouble doing, and things I cannot do. My brain, some days, is as functional as scrambled eggs. Still, I notice a difference from the Rough Days of the past and those of the present.

I can only give credit to God's grace

, and to my family, for being understanding and supportive. It is quite touching, really. Part of it, I think is just age and experience. And an understanding that anxiety, itself, has a tendency to amplify and distort a situation that will likely change on its own, without any help from me. It is helpful to remember Ecclesiastes, that there is "nothing new under the sun."

 Adding to my distress, is the responsibility I bear for it. Which I recently took to confession, and rightly or wrongly, was basically told I did not make a good confession. That's what I get for going to a different confessor, I guess. My usual one has context. Oh well. I received grace, whether or not I made a textbook confession, my intention was good.

Lastly, in this rambling gathering of words on a page, is that Bob and I are blessed to be going to the Jesus Retreat again this year. Any inclined to do so, please keep us in your prayers, that we come away with more of Him and less of us.

God Bless you, and best wishes for a happy, healthy new year!

My recent life, in seven semi-quick takes

Hopefully, for once, I can take to heart the "quick"in my seven quick takes. Laundromat awaits, as it has been either too rainy or too muggy to put stuff out on the clothesline. I have only had one other laundromat run all summer -- not too shabby!

1. So I think I mentioned we have been working on redoing two of the bedrooms. We switched Ben and Malaika's rooms, Ben got a new bed, and Malaika is awaiting one.

Here is the before pic when this room was still Ben's. It actually is a mid-move pic, as he was sorting and shuffling things around.Behind that blanket mounded up in the corner of the bed is a sizable hole in the wall. Old home=plaster walls=if you bump into them they crumble.

This room is now Malaika's -- here are the afters. It is basically a hang out, do homework (soon!) and dressing room until we get that bed for her. Ikea has a very cool chair/bed I have my eye on to work with the room's smallness.

Melissa painted the main design on the dresser and Malaika added a few finishing touches. Some of the artwork is courtesy of Rachael, but Malaika is a burgeoning artist as well. The sideways headboard from Malaika's old bed serves as something to hang necklaces, headphones, or whatever she fancies.

 Desk, from my friends Marie and Bill, who generously let us go shopping for free through their possessions before they moved to South Carolina. The front drops open and has all sorts of cubbies inside. (*note--Bill just had major surgery, I would ask your prayers for him and their whole family -- miss them so much!)

The blue dressers are from our neighbors across the street who were THROWING THEM AWAY. They are in perfect condition, and I love the idea of trash picking saving good things from the landfill. (how we also acquired our kitchen chairs). Ahem.

Curtain material--Rachael purchased and didn't use. I craftily ruched it up with twine because sewing and I are not on speaking terms. The sheer is to cover some of the crumbling plaster wall. Also the placement of the dressers, (though if I must say so myself, I did a mighty miraculous job with the spackle to close up and paint over the holes). I just wanted to prevent the worst one from opening back up if she bumped it, or say, a fly landed on it.

Here is the bed I hope to get for her.













2. Here is how Ben's room looks now. I don't have a before picture, but the walls alone are a sight for sore eyes.  Melissa did a lot of the painting in this room, and put the bed together. I painted too but spackled cracks mostly. So. many. cracks. You can see a huge one running down the wall next to the bookshelf. And that's the repaired version.

Ben is enjoying having a good bed and a room he wants to spend time in, My next hope is to get him a bigger desk. He is starting college next week, and Melissa is starting her final two semesters. Rachael was promoted at her job, and Corrie is doing well at hers. Praise God! Malaika starts her eighth grade year, with all it's perks. Formal dance, trip, and probably more.

3.  My daughter Meghann and a friend,  ran the Color Run in Grand Rapids. They had a blast! She pulled Kaden in a wagon most of the way.

4. One day while I was taking a walk and praying the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, I got to thinking. Usually when I get to the fourth mystery, the Presentation of the Child Jesus in the Temple, I also present my own children to Jesus. And at the fifth mystery, the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple, I pray they all ultimately will be found in His temple.

As I was pondering how Mary and Joseph might have felt during the three days Jesus was missing (no prophetic numbers are ever wasted!),  certainly they must have been worried. As I also worry about my own, even as I present them to Him all the time. In my mind, I see Jesus in His temple, doing what?...His Father's business, and I imagine them there also. What is His Father's business, I wondered? I could think of many things, but what came to mind is that He is going looking for those lost sheep.  Seeking to save those who are lost. Finding those lost coins that don't even know they are lost. Binding up the brokenhearted.

So, even as Mary and Joseph found Jesus safe and sound, I rest in the knowledge that His mission is to find all my children safe and sound, which I will never stop asking of Him, and trusting in His goodness that it will be so.

And of course we know that to pray the Rosary is to pray the Gospels, and that it was the weapon of choice for so many saints, including Padre Pio, against the wickedness and snares of the devil.


5.  Looking forward to the routine that the kids going back to school brings. Even though it can be hectic, at least there is that feeling of progress, which I love. A good saying I heard recently --- Progress, not Perfection. And that doing some small thing, even sloppily, for a little bit, on a regular basis, can bring about change; whereas, waiting for the perfect time or circumstance only halts progress. Another good way to put it:

Ordinary things, consistently done, lead to extraordinary results.

Not a new concept, but worthy of reiterating.

6.  The cat.

and Malaika.

Good thing her allergies don't extend to animal dander.



7. Thankful and grateful for this day. For the ability to go and do what I need to, and even occasionally, what I want. I am thankful for my life: the blessings, the tough stuff, lessons learned, ongoing struggles, the wonderful husband and children, good friends, the grace to always be able to try again, the beauty that is a part of life as well as the pain. Even for the laundromat.

~God Bless and Keep you~

Kelly